Second Happenings
by msof57
Summary: Mary Josely can't help but feel trapped as her fiance and family drag her aboard Titanic, but as her view on life changes, will she stick to her commitment to marry, or fall in love with someone else?
1. First Class Strangers

**The characters Mary, Jacqueline, Joseph, Andrew, and Erik Lefrod are all rightfully mine. All other characters belong to their rightful owners.**

**I apologize for my _horrendous_ typos! I'll try to get them fixed ASAP!**

**And please review, it really makes me happy! :D My other stories' reviews are so NULL because no one reviews them! I'll be a happy camper if you review ****Second Happenings!**

**"Six o'clock in the morning, you're the last to hear the warning. You've been trying to throw your arms around the world."**

**-"Tryin' to Throw Your Arms Around the World" by U2**

* * *

There were times when I felt very much abandoned.

Father loved and spoiled me dearly, but how could I forgive him for leaving me with my great-aunt and uncle for a whole year while he sailed off to America, trying to find a "better life" for me, unlike the one I was supposedly living in France. And not only that, but arrange a marriage for me.

It could be worse, I could be stuck with a much older man than myself, but I didn't know quite what to make of John Lefrod.

He was young, about three years older than I was, with a charming smile and brilliant blue eyes. Around others, he was very outgoing and loud, but when it came down to just him and me, he became very shy and quiet. Was he always like this? Perhaps I'd done something? Our wedding was supposed to be in May at an extravagant hotel in New York City, but how could I handle a wedding if he won't even talk to me?

But of course, the wedding was to be after we sailed on _Titanic_ in first class.

My great-aunt and uncle were Lucille and Cosmo Duff-Gordon. Both were extremely rich, but mostly because of Aunt Lucille's dress and lingerie shop, which brought in most of the income throughout the year.

We were traveling with John, his twin brother, Joseph, his younger sister, Jacqueline (or Jacque as we all called her), and then their father, Erik Lefrod. All of us would be traveling together in first class, but Uncle Cosmo had recently outdone himself and bought us suites on A-deck while the Lefrods would reside on B-deck.

"Tomorrow night we'll arrive in Cherbourg," Uncle Cosmo said at dinner last night, stroking his mustache. "And board the finest ship known to man!"

But he had smiled and toasted wine glasses with Aunt Lucille.

"You are a lucky girl, Mary Josely. What tales you'll be able to tell your children when you get older!"

Well, here I was sitting in a car, fidgeting with the bow of my dress, and I had no tales to tell yet.

Joseph, Jacque, Aunt Lucille, and I were all together in one car, while John, Aunt Lucille's maid, Mr. Lefrod, and Uncle Cosmo traveled in the other one.

Joseph was sitting across from me, blindly looking out the window. The poor thing, all that he'd been through lately. His eyes had a sad look to them, ever since the accident.

He had been married to Kathryn Hockley in January, and the two of them had been madly in love despite their marriage being arranged. They had even been expecting a baby which was due in October, but both mother and baby were killed in a car accident just weeks before we were to supposed to sail on _Titanic_. I'd only known the Lefrods since February, but ever since Mrs. Lefrod's funeral, Joseph had become quite withdrawn from the rest of us, and would only speak when spoken to.

I saw Jacque flash her older brother a smile as we rounded a corner. She was so innocent, with her blonde curls and deep blue eyes. She was sixteen, and still so young. If only she had heard her father's plans of marriage for her.

Jacque was like the best friend I'd never had. We would stay up for hours at night, laughing at the silly things her brothers said. She told me she secretly wanted to fall in love and run away to Paris, where she would paint and be free, without having to put up with the never ending demands of high class society life. We both knew this was never going to happen… but it was nice to stop and imagine it every once in a while.

"Mary," she said a few nights before we left for Cherbourg. "I feel so sorry for you. You have so much talent! You can play the piano, sing, such great wittiness, and yet you're being forced to settle down and marry John."

I'd shrugged and smiled. "At least he's decent, unlike half of the men Father had considered me marrying."

She had shuddered, but stared at me with a questionable expression.

"Do you love John?"

The car hit a rough bump, disturbing my thoughts. Jacque's words were still ringing in my ears, and I took my hat off and played with it in my hands.

No, I didn't love John. He was quite charming and all, but I felt nothing when we looked at each other. The most we'd spoken to each other was maybe a couple sentences, and even then, it was ridiculously awkward.

I wondered how I could marry without love, I mean, Father fell in love with my mother when he traveled to America for the first time, and brought her home the next Christmas. How could he expect me to marry someone I did not love?

"Look!" Jacque cried suddenly, pointing excitingly out my window. "There it is!"

Looming over Cherbourg's rooftops were four enormous smokestacks. As we drove nearer and nearer, _Titanic_'s upper decks appeared, and as we arrived at the boarding dock, I suddenly realized how big she truly was.

I'd never been on a ship before, but compared to the ones I'd seen come and go when I went to the shore in the summer, _Titanic_ certainly outsized them.

Aunt Lucille smiled and turned to Joseph, placing her long fingers on top of his hand. "Caledon Hockley will be on this voyage. Perhaps you can share your condolences with each other."

Ah, Kathryn Hockley's older brother. From what Jacque had told me, he was a real asshole, and I gave her an amused smile, trying to hide it from Joseph and Aunt Lucille.

Jacque giggled and turned back to the window, where she watched _Titanic_ as the car came to a jerky stop.

The driver outside hopped down from his seat and quickly opened the door.

"Ma'am," he said to Aunt Lucille. "We've arrived."

Aunt Lucille paid him no attention as she fixed her coat, but I took the driver's hand and stepped down onto the cobblestone street, where I could get the full view of the mighty ship. Jacque, Joseph, and Aunt Lucille emerged from the car as well, and in a matter of minutes, stewards from the _Titanic_ began taking our bags and hauling them off to a destination unknown by me.

Uncle Cosmo's car pulled up behind us, and as I tried to catch them exit it, I gasped lightly.

I knew Laura Francatelli was Aunt Lucille's maid, but I'd certainly thought Uncle Cosmo, John, and Mr. Lefrod could show her a bit more respect. I mean, for heaven's sake, she was sitting on the back of the car rather than inside where the three gentlemen were happily residing.

"Are there already people on board?" Jacque asked as Uncle Cosmo emerged from the other car.

I put my hat back on as Joseph replied, "Yes. They've already stopped in Southampton. Tomorrow we'll board in Queenstown as well and then we'll be on our way to New York."

Her eyes glowing, she turned back to me. "New York City," she said breathlessly.

Aunt Lucille sighed. "Joseph, could you get my bag for me? I'm afraid the stewards must've forgotten it."

He nodded and motioned to the driver, who threw him Aunt Lucille's very large trunk. My aunt reached out for it, but he shook his head and pulled it closer to himself.

"I'll carry it, don't worry Lucy."

I glanced up at Uncle Cosmo's car and realized my bag was still strapped to the top of it.

"Excuse me," I said, nodding slightly and running over to the car.

The driver handed me my handsome bag Father had bought for me when we'd be traveling on _Titanic_. After his unexpected visit to America, he was forced to forget about the voyage and go through the freezing Atlantic on a mysterious ship in the middle of January.

As I took a firm grip on the handle, I felt my papers and pens inside shift as I brought it by my side. I turned to walk back over to Aunt Lucille, when a hand grabbed my arm.

"I'll carry that for you," John's soft voice said.

I shook my head, facing him.

"Thanks, but no thanks."

He cocked his head to the side and lowered his grip.

"Are you sure?" he asked, taking the handle of my bag. "It's no trouble at all, trust me-"

"I said no thank you!" I said loudly, jerking it away.

Looking hurt, he let go of my bag and arm and walked over to Joseph. Uncle Cosmo, totally oblivious to what had just happened, walked over and placed a hand on my shoulder, smiling.

"Come now everyone! _Titanic_ certainly can't wait forever for us! I say we get on board and start our journey!"

Jacque rolled her eyes and I covered my mouth, hiding my smile. Laura, standing in between us, gave me a curious look, which only made my smile bigger.

Taking Aunt Lucille in one arm, Uncle Cosmo headed off toward the ramp which led up to the first class entrance. Mr. Lefrod took Jacque on his arm, as did Joseph with Laura.

Ashamed, I looked down as John offered his arm to me. I took it, and together we followed close behind Joseph and Laura, on our way up to the biggest ship in the world.

As soon as we were inside the ship, a friendly voice said, "Hello ma'am, and welcome to _Titanic_."

Uncle Cosmo shoved our tickets underneath their noses and proudly asked, "Which way to rooms A-16 and A-20?"

The handsome officer who had welcomed us aboard looked over his shoulder and snapped his fingers. A young stewardess came running, and curtsied when she saw Aunt Lucille and Uncle Cosmo.

"Emilee will show you to your rooms," he said, giving us a large smile. "My name is Officer Lowe, if you need anything just give me a call."

Mr. Lefrod dropped arms with Jacque and pulled out his tickets as well. "And which way to rooms B-46 and 48?"

Another steward came running forward, and without even exchanging a good-bye, John, Joseph, Jacque, and Mr. Lefrod rounded the corner over to their destination and disappeared.

Aunt Lucille, Uncle Cosmo, Laura, and I followed Emilee past elegant indoor decks, lavishly decorated cafes, and even the giving us a quick notation of where the pool was, until we entered a beautiful, white wood hallway with doors on either side.

Emilee pointed Aunt Lucille and me to room A-16 while pointing Uncle Cosmo to room 20. Laura followed close behind me as my aunt opened the door.

We entered a beautiful sitting room, which led to a small deck where we could get a fantastic view of the ocean. The door on the right of the marble fireplace in the sitting room led to a smaller suite, where Aunt Lucille would sleep. The door on the left of the fireplace led to a slightly smaller, but certainly not less extravagant bedroom than Aunt Lucille's where I would be sleeping. In fact, my bedroom was almost twice as big as the room's I had slept in when I stayed in first class hotels. The curtains were a lovely shade of pink, softly embroidered with lace.

My bed was like one from a fairy tale. Soft sheets, a feather stuffed pillow, a delightfully comfortable mattress, even a curtain I could shut around it if I wanted some privacy.

"Your room's beautiful, Miss Josely," Laura said, eyes wide as we both stepped inside.

I gently set my bag down on a nearby chair and put my hands on my hips as I looked about the room.

"Pure luxury," I said under my breath.

Laura began to directing stewards into my room who began placing things of mine on various chests and tables.

I turned to Laura and whispered, "Imagine what Aunt Lucille's room looks like."

She smiled and I gave her a wink before beginning to unpack some more personal items of mine.

My jewelry box was brought in by a young stewardess who gently placed it on a small desk with a mirror on the other side of the room. The white box glimmered as rays of sunlight shone in through the window, and even though it wasn't open, I could hear the soft melody it sang when you opened it. But I closed my eyes, thinking hard.

I hated that jewelry box. Piles upon piles of pearls and diamond necklaces and bracelets that I had repeatedly told Aunt Lucille and Uncle Cosmo that I didn't want them. They had ignored me, of course, and gone off to buy the more the next day. "For the wedding," they had said cheerfully, handing me diamond earrings and a gold necklace before leaving on _Titanic_. I don't even think they realized my ears weren't pierced.

The only piece of jewelry I wore was my engagement ring to John and a small locket Jacque had given me when we first met. Inside was a picture of her and she'd even managed to find one of Father.

At the thought, I brought my hand up to the small chain around my neck and thought of her down in B-deck. It was silly of us to force them to stay down in B-deck when Uncle Cosmo had a full cabin to himself. Not only that, but I hoped my aunt and uncle realized I'd much rather be sharing a suite with Jacque instead of Aunt Lucille.

Laura's timid voice, ordering around a steward suddenly made me realize…

"Laura," I said, taking off my hat. "Where will you be staying?"

Turning from the steward, she smiled softly and shook her head slightly.

"Steerage, Miss," she said, lowering her head. "Room E-36."

I was appalled. Aunt Lucille putting her own maid in third class! I could understand if she had put her in second class to save money, but steerage?

Laura saw me grit my teeth together and walked over.

"No, no Miss Josely, don't worry. I've heard the accommodations in steerage are better than most second class hotels have to offer!"

Her words bit me.

Here I am, complaining about a jewelry box and the Lefrods' B-deck rooms, while Laura was thankful t0 be staying in third class on _Titanic_. I smiled and continued unpacking, shooing all stewards from the room.

"Let me help you unpack Laura," I said when I had finished, offering to take her bag. "I'm curious to see just how fine these steerage rooms are!"

She shook her head and tugged her bag out of my grip.

"No, thank you Miss. I'm not sure if your aunt and uncle would be pleased with me if I let you wander around with the 'common folk.'"

I opened my mouth to argue back, but she waved the thought away.

"It's no trouble, really. I'll be perfectly capable doing it by myself."

She curtsied and began to walk out, but before she did, she looked over her shoulder and said, "I'll be back to help you dress for supper."

My smile faded as she left and I sighed and sat on the edge of a nearby table.

I looked into the mirror and decided what to do with my hair. I wanted to keep it out of my face in case we decided to go on a walk outside, but not pulled into a bun like most women kept their hair. It made me look older than I really was and my face always looked pinched when Aunt Lucille forced me to wear one.

After sticking various bobby pins and clips into my curls, I decided on a loose braid to hang loosely over my shoulder. I glanced in the mirror one last time, satisfied with my look, and went out into the sitting room where Aunt Lucille was still ordering around stewards.

"Aunt Lucille," I said, tapping her shoulder. "I'm going to go get Jacque and the boys and go out for a stroll on deck. Is that alright?"

Barely noticing me, she nodded and hollered at a nearby stewardess who was carelessly handling a prized vase of hers. I grabbed my coat from my room and quickly ran out into the hallway.

Remembering the Lefrod's room number, I followed the long, elegant hallways and even went down a beautiful staircase, which I had heard Uncle Cosmo call "The Grand Staircase, the finest attraction on any ship in the Atlantic."

I went down another extravagant hallway until I saw the number 46 on one of the white doors. I knocked lightly and waited a few moments before Mr. Lefrod answered it. As he peered out of their room, I saw John and Joseph moving about in their much smaller sitting room inside.

"Ah, Mary, come in," he said, opening the door wider and smiling.

I shook my head. "No thank you. I only came to see if John, Joseph, and Jacque would fancy a stroll on A-deck."

He glanced at John and Joseph, who were now behind him. They both nodded and John smiled. "We'll meet you and Jacque up there, we still have some unpacking to do."

I nodded. "See you there."

Mr. Lefrod turned back to me. "Jacque is in 48, next door," he said.

I curtsied. "Thank you."

I knocked on the door next to his and about as soon as I brought my hand back down to my side, the door flew open.

Jacque looked absolutely miserable when she answered my knocking, but her eyes brightened as soon as she saw me.

"Mary!" she exclaimed, taking my hand. "What are you doing down here?"

"I was wondering if you'd like to come take a walk with me up on deck. John and Joseph will be joining us in a little while."

She glanced over her shoulder, where stewardesses were still unpacking. For a moment, it looked as if she was going to say no, but instead, grabbed a nearby coat and shut the door behind her as she stepped into the hallway.

"Let's go," she said, beginning to march toward the Grand Staircase.

The two of us linked arms and began chatting away as soon as we were outside. She told me she'd heard her father talking to Joseph about arranging a marriage for her sometime after _Titanic_ docked.

"With Christopher Johnson," she said bitterly. "The son of the richest man in New York City."

I drew my eyebrows together. "But why would your father arrange a marriage with him? Isn't your family rich enough?"

She shot me a funny look and stopped walking.

"I mean-" I said, beginning to stammer, "My father only arranged my marriage with John because he's in debt, and Aunt Lucille's dress business isn't doing too well nowadays…"

I stopped talking and blushed.

"Sorry," I muttered, tugging on her arm. We began to walk again and Jacque began to laugh.

"This is why I love you, Mary. You never know when to stop talking."

I lightly kicked her and she kicked me back, until we both tripped and landed on some deck chairs nearby. A young couple gave us an odd look, and behind their backs Jacque stuck out her tongue and we both burst into a fit of giggles.

I leaned back in the chair and smiled as I saw the ocean, glimmering in the setting sun. It reminded me of the diamonds back in my jewelry box, and I laughed thinking of what it would be like to toss the lot of them into the Atlantic.

Jacque, picking up on my mood, reached out and tugged my hand. Smiling, I grabbed her hat and began twirling it in my hands. She tried to snatch it back, but I got up and walked over to the railing where I held it over the edge.

"Don't you dare!" she shrieked, laughing and running over to me.

I meant to give it back to her, but a sudden gust of wind blew it out of my hands.

"Mary!" Jacque cried, nearly throwing herself over the edge in a desperate attempt to grab it as it twirled in the air. "Holy God, are you crazy? That's my only hat!"

I peered over the railing as well, scared to see if it had landed in the ocean after all, but thankfully, the wind blew it back to the ship, a few decks below us. A young man, probably steerage, was crossing the deck when it hit him square in the face. Jacque immediately began laughing and clutched her sides as she walked over to the gate that led to the lower decks.

"I'll be right back," she said, catching her breath. "Consider yourself lucky!"

Curious to see how she would explain the situation to him, I walked over to the gate as well and watched the two of them, until I felt a shadow loom over me.

"Mary," John's voice said.

I turned and saw John and Joseph, both in handsome suits, smiling.

"Where's Jacque?" Joseph asked, peering over my head.

I hid a smile. "Her hat accidently blew over to the steerage decks. She's getting it back from that young man," I said, pointing out the person Jacque was now saying goodbye to.

As Jacque began climbing the stairs back up to A-deck, John tucked a stray piece of hair out of my face. I followed his hand with my eyes and awkwardly smiled as he stepped back and admired my now-fixed hair.

I felt Jacque's hand on my arm.

"How was Mr. Steerage Man?" I teased, punching her lightly.

She stuck out her tongue and put her hat back on. "Fine. He actually works in the boiler rooms but came out for a smoke."

"Oh, won't Father be happy when he hears about this?" John said, sarcasm in his voice as he took my soon-to-be sister-in-law's hand.

"He _won't_," she said, tugging her hand away. "The last thing I need is to be shut away in my room for the rest of this trip."

She then marched over to Joseph, took his arm, and began to walk away from John and me. I raised my eyebrows at John, but he just shrugged. I took his arm and we both followed close behind.

It wasn't long before we reached a corner, and Joseph came to an abrupt stop, making John almost run into him.

"What?" Jacque and I asked at the same time.

Joseph glanced over his shoulder at John. "You see that man over there?"

He pointed to a young gentleman a few feet away with two redheaded women on his arms. He was very handsome, with slicked back brown hair and deep brown eyes. The woman on his right looked about my age, maybe a little younger, with extraordinary beauty. Her eyes were a piercing blue-green, ruby red lips, and fiery red hair. On his left arm was an older version of the girl my age, but with a more bitter and sad expression. She looked like a feminine version of Mr. Lefrod and I bit my tongue to keep from laughing.

"What about him?" John asked, giving me a confused look. But before Joseph could answer, Jacque's eyes widened.

"That's Caledon Hockley, isn't it?"

I wildly looked from Jacque to Joseph. John stiffened and very slowly, I placed a hand on Joseph's shoulder.

"Are you alright?" I asked, slightly tilting my head to the side.

He opened his mouth to answer, but was suddenly cut off as the gentleman said, "Sir! Sir!"

Mr. Hockley strolled over to us, and as he drew nearer, I realized there was another man with him as well. Older, probably the same age as Uncle Cosmo. If anything, he looked like he'd rather be any place than here. I guessed he was a manservant to Mr. Hockley.

Mr. Hockley dropped arms with the two redheads and shook John's hand, making me get pushed to the side because of his eagerness. "Caledon Hockley," he said, smiling with all his teeth. "I was devastated when I heard about my sister's death. So tragic when the two of you had only been married for a few months… and expecting a child as well!"

Jacque dropped arms with Joseph, who was now gritting his teeth. John nervously glanced at me, but then cleared his throat and dropped hands with Mr. Hockley before saying, "Excuse me sir, but I am not Joseph."

Mr. Hockley's sympathetic smile was wiped off his face, and he glanced in embarrassment around us.

"I'm Joseph Lefrod, Mr. Hockley," Joseph said at last, offering his hand out.

Mr. Hockley took it and after a brief handshake, Mr. Hockley, suddenly remembering about the others, took the young redhead's hand.

"Forgive me, this is my fiancé, Rose DeWitt Bukater and her mother, Ruth."

We all nodded at each other and Rose flashed Jacque and me a smile.

"And this is my man, Spicer Lovejoy," he said, nodding to the man behind him.

Joseph placed a hand on my shoulder, and John, suddenly remembering me, took my arm once more.

"John Lefrod," he said, introducing himself. "This is my sister, Jacqueline, and my fiancé, Mary Josely."

I smiled and curtsied slightly, and Jacque did the same.

"And of course you already know my twin brother, Joseph."

Ms. Bukater stepped forward, eyeing my braid. "How old are you, my dear?" she asked, giving me a fake smile.

"Seventeen, ma'am," I said. "I'll be eighteen on April 23rd."

"Ah, Rose's age then!" Mr. Hockley exclaimed, giving his fiancé's hand a squeeze.

"And you?" she asked Jacque.

"Sixteen," Jacque replied, hiding her annoyance in her voice.

Ms. Bukater nodded, content with her answer. As I pretended to be very interested with the clip in Rose's hair, I couldn't help but notice Mr. Lovejoy staring at Jacque, a strange look in his eyes. John must've noticed it too, for he moved closer to his little sister.

Mr. Hockley moved toward Joseph and said in a low voice, "If you ever need to talk to anyone, feel free to stop by any time. We're staying in rooms B-52, 54, and 56."

Joseph nodded. "Thank you, sir."

Mr. Hockley nodded as well and backed away, taking Rose and Ms. Bukater on his arms once more. "We better be off, see you at dinner!"

With another flash of white teeth, Mr. Hockley and his companions strolled off. Mr. Lovejoy gave Jacque one final glance before following behind. As soon as they rounded the corner however, Jacque rolled her eyes and dropped arms with Joseph.

"Murder me," she said, crossing her arms. "Aren't there any decent people in first class?" With that, she marched off, holding her hat against the wind. Joseph followed after her and I turned to face John.

"That pervert!" I said loudly after they rounded the corner. "Lovejoy must be at least fifty and he's interested in Jacque? Revolting!"

John, amused by my choice of words, smiled. After a while he began to laugh, and I smiled as well.

"Let's just keep an eye on him," John said at last, holding my hand. I looked down at his hand in mine. It was the boldest move he'd made since we'd met, and I squeezed his fingers. It didn't feel _too_ bad…

Maybe I could handle this marriage after all.


	2. A Talk

**"You act like you never had love, and you want me to go without."**

**-"One" by U2**

* * *

The next morning I was greeted by Aunt Lucille dramatically throwing open the curtains in my room. Her bright, powdered face loomed over mine as I opened my eyes. The morning light poured in through the window and I groaned and rolled over, burying my face into my pillow.

"Come now," I heard her cheerful voice say, making me even more reluctant to get up. "Your uncle and I are off to have breakfast with John Jacob Astor, Mr. Hockley, and the Bukaters!"

I put my covers over my head, muffling my voice.

"Please, let me sleep. I already saw them at dinner last night and I want to sleep for a few more hours." I peeped my head out and yawned loudly. "I'll eat lunch with you and the Lefrods, alright?"

She rolled her eyes and stood there for a moment before finally answering, "Fine."

I smiled sheepishly and shut my eyes, drifting back off to sleep. Before I did however, I heard her light footsteps walk out of my room, ordering another stewardess to give her more privacy. I couldn't help but smile a little before I found myself dreaming once more.

When I opened my eyes again, I leaped out of bed as I glanced at my clock. It was a quarter past twelve when I was supposed to meet Aunt Lucille and Uncle Cosmo at noon!

"Laura!" I shrieked, taking off my nightgown and slipping a dress over my head, not bothering to mess with a corset. "I'm late! I need help!"

I opened my door, expecting to see Laura or a stewardess in the sitting room, but there was no one. Cursing under my breath, I began a desperate attempt to button my dress behind my back, which was nearly impossible.

After a few moments of struggling with the tiny buttons, I gave up and shoved a simpler dress over my head, one I usually only wore around the house back at home, but I had no choice but to wear it.

I quickly brushed my hair and clipped a few strands of curls out of my face before fleeing out the door. Running down the hallway, I tugged on my coat I had grabbed before leaving and applied a fresh layer of lipstick. Couples gave me looks as I half ran down the Grand Staircase, but I paid them no attention. I continued down two more flights of stairs until I was in D-deck.

Skidding to a stop when I approached Aunt Lucille and Uncle Cosmo's table, I straightened my hair. Looking about at Mr. Lefrod, who looked absolutely disgusted with me, John and Joseph who were used to my late arrivals, and Jacque who was trying not to laugh, I seated myself in between Uncle Cosmo and John.

"Sorry I'm late," I said breathlessly. "I overslept-"

I looked over at John, who was hiding a smile behind his menu.

"-again."

Uncle Cosmo, who was amused by my excuse, offered his menu out to me which I took and began to read, grateful to have a reason to be distracted.

After ordering a salad, I leaned back in my chair, less than excited to listen to the mindless chatter Mr. Lefrod, Aunt Lucille, and Uncle Cosmo would begin talking about.

"Twenty-one knots!" Mr. Lefrod exclaimed, pounding his fist on the table. "Can you believe it? For a ship of her size, Mr. Duff-Gordon, we are going an excellent speed!"

Uncle Cosmo nodded and lit a cigar, and I put my hand to my mouth, trying not to breathe in the disgusting smoke it was producing.

"So have you heard of anymore marriage plans for Jacque?" I asked in a low voice to John, careful so that Mr. Lefrod wouldn't overhear.

John took a sip of water and shook his head. "Thankfully, not yet," he whispered, before setting his napkin in his lap. "But it also scares me. I'm afraid Jacque might become engaged to Christopher Johnson after all."

Joseph, overhearing, cut in. "And Father was talking to J.J. last night about arranging another marriage for me after we get settled in New York."

"Hmph," I said, leaning away from Uncle Cosmo. "Excuse me for saying this, but doesn't your father know anything about America? You don't arrange marriages there, it's just non-American!"

"But your father arranged a marriage for us and he's living in New York," John said, glancing from me to Joseph. I rolled my eyes and began to unfold my napkin on my plate as I saw a group of waiters bringing our food.

"The only thing my father cares about is money, John."

As a waiter set my salad in front of me, my eyes dimmed.

"Or at least that's what it seems after Mother died," I said to myself.

Lunch went by quietly, except for the occasional comments about the weather and the ship made by Mr. Lefrod and Uncle Cosmo. Aunt Lucille remained unusually silent, chewing her lamb quite slowly.

Jacque was the first one done eating, and as soon as she was, she begged for her father to let her go outside. When he agreed, she thanked him with a kiss on the cheek, and happily strolled up the Grand Staircase and disappeared.

"She's so innocent," Aunt Lucille said softly, wiping her mouth with her napkin. "Are you sure you want to marry her off at so young an age, Erik?"

Mr. Lefrod's eyes narrowed, but he smiled, pretending to not have been offended.

"I'll wait until she's at least seventeen, my dear Lucille."

My aunt nodded and smiled. Disgusted of how they talked of Jacque as a puppet, I excused myself and grabbed my coat from one of the doormen before following the way Jacque left. I figured she would be outside on A-deck, and as I began to climb the Grand Staircase, I heard John excuse himself as well. It wasn't until I reached A-deck did he finally catch up to me.

He grabbed my elbow when he came close enough, and I spun around to face him, ready to yell, but took a deep breath and leaned against a nearby wall, looking outside a window close by.

"I'm sorry for running off," I said at last. "I just hate listening to them talk about things like that. Like it's all a game, like it won't affect our lives at all."

I ran a hand through my hair and sighed. "I just don't want her to be stuck like we are."

John stared deeply into my eyes. "Do you really feel that way?"

"Hmm?"

"Stuck?"

I paused for a moment, unsure of what to say. I clasped my hands together, feeling our engagement ring on my finger before answering.

"I don't know, John. I like you, I really do. You're an amazing friend, but I'm still so young. I have no idea what love is, but now I'm being forced to settle down, raise a family, and be a wife. It's just too much…"

John leaned against the wall too, and I couldn't figure out how he felt about what I said thanks to his blank expression.

"Do you really want kids?" he asked, catching me by surprise with his sudden question. I blushed and nudged him, amused. "Not really, no. Maybe when I'm older, but not now."

I smiled and tried to read his face.

"Why, do you?"

He let out a long sigh of relief. "No, thank goodness. I'm so glad you feel the same."

I smiled wider and began to walk outside, heading toward the stern. John walked by my side, but we didn't take arms, and I was fine with that. It wasn't until we did reach the stern did John speak up again.

"Odd, isn't it?" he said, looking at the passengers around us. "Being down in steerage."

I glanced about us as well and shook my head, a little offended by his comment. "Not really. Before Father moved to America, we used to stay in third and second class hotel rooms all the time when we traveled."

John shrugged and walked over to a nearby railing to admire the view. I was about to do the same, when a passenger caught my eye.

Jacque was standing a few feet away, in the shade with the man who had caught her hat the day before. At first, I decided to ignore them and turn back to John, when something else caught my eye as well.

They were holding hands.

I wondered what I should do, what I _could_ do. Should I let Jacque have an affair with this man when John, Joseph, when I knew she was more than likely going to be engaged very soon? Should I let her get her hopes up, think she had a chance at love, and then let them be crushed by Christopher Johnson? Or should I stop her now from getting in too deep, before her father and brothers found out and ripped them apart? It would break her heart, and she probably wouldn't speak to me in a long time, but at least I'd know in the long run I'd helped her from getting hurt.

Seeing my stiff position, John turned to face me to make sure I was alright. Knowing he would be furious if he saw his little sister with another man, I grabbed his arm and jerked him back to look at the ocean, my decision finally clear. Who knows, Mr. Lefrod said this was the ship of dreams, maybe some dreams would come true for Jacque. Covering up my satisfied smile, I commented about the weather and pointed out a few seagulls flying above us, far away from home.

I had to think fast though, how was I supposed to keep John from seeing Jacque?

Trying not to make a fuss, I leaned on the railing, peering over the edge to see how fast we were going. John shifted beside me, and I did a quick prayer for him to not see Jacque.

"Can you promise me something?" John said at least, biting his lip.

I tucked a stray bit of hair behind my ear. "What?"

He smiled and came closer, our elbows touching. "Promise me that we won't become one of those couples that bicker over every little thing."

Taken aback, I studied him with wide eyes. But after taking a moment to comprehend what he'd just asked, my face broke into a wide smile too.

"Like Aunt Lucille and Uncle Cosmo?" I teased, nudging him.

"Exactly," he said, a boyish grin crossing his face.

From the corner of my eye, I saw Jacque beginning to leave the man she was with. I let out a quiet sigh of relief, glad to have kept her out of trouble. I was going to grab John's sleeve and pull him farther down the stern, when the man stopped Jacque and kissed her.

My hand froze in midair and began to shake.

I know… I know it could never happen to me, I know I promised myself I'd let her fall in love… but how could she? She knew she was going to become engaged, she wasn't stupid or naïve. And not only that, but we'd be off _Titanic_ and in New York City in a matter of days! How could she kiss this man she barely knew, she just met? He was nothing, third class, "scum" in the eyes of most of us first class passengers.

I dropped my hand, careful not to attract John's attention.  
How could she do this to me?

I could feel tears in my eyes as they broke apart, a love-struck smile on Jacque's pretty face. I was engaged, I could never kiss any man like that except John, but I did not _feel_ for him that way! And knowing this, she goes ahead and kisses this steerage man anyway!

At last, the two of them said their goodbyes and walked away. Jacque began to walk toward John and me, but seeing my expression, she stopped. John's back was still turned, and I softly shook my head as her smile faded away.

She quietly turned on her heels, and ran to greet a now approaching Joseph. She glanced over her shoulder, giving me a final stare. I turned back to John and placed a hand on his, trying to hide my tears. Jacque, who I could tell had never had anyone mad at her before, took Joseph's arm and jerked him away from our direction. Together, the two of them strolled back inside, probably heading off for the tour of the _Titanic_ Thomas Andrews had promised them last night at dinner.

John was still smiling from my comment earlier, but when he looked up and saw a tear roll down my cheek, it vanished.

"What's wrong?" he asked, wiping it away with his thumb. "Was it something I said?"

I shook my head, trying to shake the image of Jacque and that man kissing out of my head as well. "I was just missing Father," I lied, taking in a deep breath.

He nodded and faced the ocean once more. "I know, but you'll see him soon. It's only a matter of days at the speed we're going."

I shrugged and wiped away another tear with the back of my hand. "Soon," I repeated softly, thinking of Jacque.

Very slowly, I took his arm and we began to walk back to first class. As I glanced over my shoulder as John opened the gate dividing third and second class, I could see the steerage man still standing where Jacque had left him. His red hair shone in the sunlight, a smile still on his face. I rolled my eyes and followed John up another flight of steps.

He wouldn't be smiling after we reached New York.


	3. The Unexpected Visit

**"Oh, all that I know, that there's nothing here to run from. 'Cause yeah, everybody here's got somebody to lean on."**

**-"Don't Panic" by Coldplay**

* * *

"Rose?"

I tapped my fingers on the table impatiently as she did not respond. All through dinner, Rose had been strangely distant, not responding or replying to anything anyone said or did. She seemed to let Mr. Hockley say everything for her, and for the two meals we'd sat side by side together, she'd hardly said two words to me. Tonight she was being _especially_ stubborn and wouldn't even listen to what I had to say.

"Rose!" I said a bit too loudly, tapping her arm. John brought a finger to his lips, shushing me, for Mr. Lefrod and Uncle Cosmo were talking about _Titanic_ once more. Mr. Bruce Ismay, the owner of _Titanic_ and the White Star Line, the company that was responsible for the grand ship, shot me a look and I silently apologized.

Rose blinked and turned to me, suddenly aware I was sitting next to her. "Please pass the salt," I whispered, rather annoyed.

As she did so, Mr. Ismay's voice began to rise as he boasted about his grand ship once more. No one could argue that everything about _Titanic_ was simply marvelous, but a man could only brag so much before his mouth fell off. I found _Titanic_'s master shipbuilder, Thomas Andrew, much more humble and modest than Mr. Ismay, but he could unfortunately not join us for dinner tonight.

I salted my potatoes and took a small bite, chewing slowly. I hated dining in first class. Not because of the food or the clothes I had to eat and wear, but because as a woman, I had no say in the men's conversation, and dinner became quite boring when all the other women are on the other side of the table, you're refusing to talk to your closest girlfriend, and you have the quietest person in the world sitting next to you.

I took another bite and chewed even more slowly, discretely watching Aunt Lucille and Ms. Bukater from the other side of the table. Both were richly dressed of course, but their outfits were highly amusing to look at.

Aunt Lucille had practically showered herself in pearls. They hung from her ears, her neck, her wrist, even her clip which was holding her hair up in an extravagant bun. Her dress's bodice even had a trim decorated with pearls, as did her skirt. And Ms. Bukater… what a sight! Her dress had so much sparkle to it that it was hard to look at. Nestled in her hair was a ridiculous headpiece that looked like something she'd plucked off of Lady Liberty in New York City, painted gold, dipped it in glitter, and planted it on her mop of red curls. Her dress was a very off-white color, and I couldn't help but try not to laugh as she turned her head and smiled flirtatiously at Mr. Ismay, who smiled back.

Finishing off my potatoes, I pushed my plate to the side and put my napkin on the table, full for the evening.

Ms. Margaret Brown, whom she preferred to be called "Molly", was loudly talking to Joseph and Jacque, who were seated next to her. She had a warm smile and big brown eyes that lit up when she laughed. She knew how to dress in style too without looking like a peacock, something I admired about her.

She must've said something funny, for Joseph laughed and Jacque's lips turned up into a small smile.

Jacque and I hadn't spoken since this afternoon. In fact, we'd hardly done so much as look at each other since then. She knew why I was upset, and I was glad. It would hurt too much to tell her why I felt the way I did.

All at once, in a clatter of dishes and chairs being scraped back across the floor, Mr. Ismay, Mr. Lefrod, Uncle Cosmo, and Mr. Hockley stood up. As soon as Mr. Astor kissed his wife, Madeleine, on the cheek, I knew what was up. They were heading off to the smoking lounge, where they could play poker, smoke, and drink late into the night like "civilized men."

Uncle Cosmo came over behind me and patted my shoulder. "John, Joseph, care to join me for a smoke?" he asked cheerfully, his mustache moving up and down as he talked.

John glanced at Joseph, and then shook his head. "No thank you, Cosmo. We should really be heading off to bed right about now."

Uncle Cosmo nodded. "Alright. John, escort Mary back to her room, will you?"

He looked at me, still smiling. "Lucille is going to be heading off to Ms. Bukater's room for a little while to have a chat. Do you need anything while they'll be gone?"

I shook my head. "No thank you, Uncle. Have a nice game."

He leaned down and kissed my forehead. "Goodnight."

He then wished the rest of the women a goodnight as well before heading off with the other men to the smoking lounge.

I turned to John, a soft smile on my face, but as Jacque pushed her chair back and stood up, it vanished. She marched around Joseph, Ms. Brown, and John and took my firmly by the hand.

"We need to talk," she said, locking her jaw.

I avoided her gaze. "Now?"

"Yes, _now_," she said, tugging on my arm. "On deck."

Sighing, I pushed my chair back and turned to John. "We won't be long. You can go ahead and head back to your room if you want."

John smirked and leaned by my ear. "Actually, Joseph and I are heading down to meet some friends in second class for a drink. You won't tell, will you?"

I looked at him for a moment, a smile slowly creeping onto my face. "Of course not," I whispered back, grinning in amusement. "Stay out of trouble though, and don't get too drunk!"

He winked at me. "Don't worry about a thing."

I got up to leave, but bent down and kissed his cheek. Immediately, I blushed and backed away, embarrassed.

"Well," Jacque said, smiling. "Aren't you two getting along nicely?"

"Oh, be quiet," I said, my face as red as Rose's hair. As I turned to say goodnight to Aunt Lucille, Joseph got up to leave with John, but turned to Rose.

"Do you need me to escort you to your room, Miss Bukater?" he offered, pulling back her chair as she stood up. Her eyes widened and for a moment I thought she was going to accept his kind invitation, but instead she pushed him slightly, her small purse clutched tightly in her hand.

"I don't need anyone to escort me anywhere!" she cried, half hysterical. "Just leave me alone!"

She began to run out of the dining room, and I looked at Joseph with wide eyes.

"What the hell was that all about?" John asked. Joseph shrugged and slowly blinked.

"I-I have no idea… I don't think I've offended in any way…"

He looked at Aunt Lucille and Ms. Bukater who hadn't even noticed Rose run off.

"I have such terrible luck with women," he said, trying to leave.

"Jo," Jacque said, grabbing his arm. "Don't say that, it's not true."

"You go on without me," Joseph said to John, ignoring her. "I don't feel much like a drink anymore."  
John, bewildered, gave his brother an odd look but shrugged. "Alright, suit yourself. I'll be on B-deck having a smoke before I head down if you need me." And with that, the two brothers marched off in opposite directions, leaving Jacque and me alone.

I quickly said goodnight to Aunt Lucille and followed Jacque to A-deck. We were silent most of the way there, but as soon as Jacque opened the door to A-deck, a gust of cold, April air hit our faces and I cried out in surprise. Jacque looked at me, almost smiling, as if expecting me to say something to her, but I ignored her and walked by a row of deck chairs. Sitting on the edge of one, I began to grit my teeth, watching her wring her hands together, until I finally spoke up.

"What?"

I could see tears forming in her eyes as she turned away from me. She slowly walked over to the railing and held onto it, her knuckles white. Her gold curls were piled on her head, framing her face beautifully. Her cheeks were rosy, her lips a light pink, eyes as blue as ever, and her dress trailing behind her, even more beautiful than the ones Rose and I had been wearing. I was jealous of her, I truly was. She was so free, so beautiful. Everything I wasn't… everything I could never be.

"Please don't hate me," she said softly, bringing her hand to her cheek.

I crossed my arms and made my way toward her, shivering in the cold air. She turned her head toward me, expecting me to answer, but when I didn't, she continued.

"Mary, it was love at first sight. As soon as he handed me my hat and I looked into his hazel eyes… it just clicked."

She leaned on the railing, letting her head hang down. "I knew he was the one. He's in steerage, Father will hate me! John will be furious to find out I've been kissing a man I've known for less than two days, Joseph will become depressed because our relationship will remind him of the one he had with Kathryn…"

Her voice trailed off and she sniffed, wiping her nose on the back of her gloves. After doing so, she peeled them off and held them loosely in her hands, letting the wind blow the fingers back and forth.

"If you hate me, I don't know what I'll do."

I licked my lips and stared at my shoes, thinking hard.

I was jealous, yes, but should I let that destroy my friendship with my future sister-in-law?

I glanced at her, watching more tears roll down her cheeks, smearing her powder and blush that was so carefully applied that evening before dinner. Thinking of the man I'd seen her with, the one with the red hair and hazel eyes, it dawned on me how perfect they looked together. An odd couple, yes, but perfect. Maybe God was trying to tell me something…

Very slowly, I took the gloves from her hands and held them over the edge of the ship. "Do you mind?" I asked softly, a smile creeping onto my lips.

She gave me a confused look, but after realizing what I was about to do, she grinned.

"Be my guest."

I let them go, and they danced in the wind. Luckily, this time they did now blow back onto _Titanic_, but slowly fell into the ocean so far below us and disappeared from sight. Jacque smiled and sniffed once more.

"You're not mad?"

I took her hands and looked deeply into her eyes. "Not anymore, no."

She let out a sigh of relief and hugged me. "Thank God, I didn't know what I would've done if you still were."

She pulled away and put a hand on my cheek, her smile gone. "My heart aches for you, Mary."

I shook my head. "Don't. I'm finding John to be quite a charming man."

Her eyes lit up and she glanced at my engagement ring. "You're not nervous about the wedding?"

I bit my lip. "A little, but time will cure that."

She opened her mouth to answer, when all of a sudden there was a scream from the other side of the ship, near the stern. We both whipped around, expecting to see someone being murdered, but all we could see were multiple poles and gates blocking our view.

"My God, that sounded like Rose!" Jacque cried, grabbing my arm.

We both darted toward the gate that led to the stairs that would bring us down to the stern. As we ran closer and the flagpole at the stern came into view, we saw a group of officers huddled around something on the floor.

"Now stay there and don't move!" we heard one yell.

Jacque and I glanced at each other and bolted the rest of the way there.

"Ladies, please stay back," one officer said, blocking our way. Jacque slightly pushed him and made her way to Rose, who was lying on the ground. Another officer was holding a young man, whose blonde hair was slightly messed up. His shoes and jacket lay nearby, and he looked at me with pleading eyes. Jacque helped Rose off the ground, who looked absolutely terrified. Her hair had been pulled down from the bun she had worn at dinner that night and her mascara was smeared under eyes, as she had obviously been crying.

"What happened?" I asked as Jacque led Rose over to us. Rose, however, just shook her head, still in shock.

In a matter of minutes, there was a clatter of footsteps behind us, and as Jacque stood comforting Rose who was now sitting on a bench, I felt a hand on my shoulder.

"What happened?" John asked, eyeing the young man with blonde hair. As he said this, Mr. Hockley, Mr. Lovejoy, and Uncle Cosmo came running from the first class café, a steward leading the way.

"Rose," Mr. Hockley said, sliding past John and me. "What happened? What's the matter?"

Jacque pushed some curls from Rose's face, who was still silent.

"I'm afraid, sir," an elderly man said, stepping forward, "That this young man here was found assaulting this young lady."

Mr. Hockley's eyes narrowed and he stepped toward the blonde man. "This is completely absurd!" he cried, taking the man by the collar of his shirt. "How dare you touch my fiancé!"

The man glanced over at Rose, who accepted a blanket from one of the officers.

"Look at me, you swine!" Mr. Hockley cried, shaking him.

"Cal," Rose said suddenly, standing up and rushing over. "Cal, stop it! It was an accident!"

I shot a look at John, who narrowed his eyes as he looked from Rose to the blonde stranger.

"An accide- an accident?" Mr. Hockley stammered, letting go of the man's shirt. He glanced at Uncle Cosmo, who was stroking his mustache in deep thought.

"Yes, stupid really," Rose said, clutching the blanket tighter around herself. "I was leaning far over to see the… ah… um…" She began to move her finger in a circle, shaking her head back and forth, trying to find the right words.

I hid a smile as Mr. Hockley let out an exasperated sigh and replied, "The propellers?"

"The propellers!" Rose cried, letting her hand fall back to her side. "And I slipped, and I would've gone overboard if Mr. Dawson here hadn't saved me!"

Mr. Hockley looked doubtful as Rose looked at him with her big, blue-green eyes. The master-at-arms, holding the young man who was apparently Mr. Dawson, turned him so that they were looking eye to eye. "Was that the way of it?" he barked, gripping Mr. Dawson's shoulders even tighter.

Mr. Dawson glanced at Rose, whose eyes widened. She mouthed something that looked like "Please" and he sighed.

"Yeah," he said, his jaw locked. "Yeah, that was pretty much it."

"Well, the boy's a hero then! Good for you, sir!" I heard Uncle Cosmo exclaim.

A few awkward moments passed as the master-at-arms took off Mr. Dawson's handcuffs. Mr. Hockley looked just about ready to punch him, but instead turned to Rose and put an arm around her shoulder.

"Come, let's get you inside," he said, trying to warm her up. "You must be freezing!"

John took my hand and began to lead me away myself, when we heard Uncle Cosmo cough lightly behind us. "A little something for the boy?"

Mr. Dawson looked up as he slipped on his shoes. John rolled his eyes and I lightly pinched him. "C'mon Jacque," I said, pulling her away from Mr. Lovejoy, who was staring yet again. John took both of us on his arms and we hurried away to avoid being caught in a fight with Mr. Dawson and Mr. Hockley.

We had reached A-deck, when Jacque finally said something.

"Why wouldn't she speak up?" she asked, dropping arms with John. She began to play with the pins in her hair, pulling them out one by one. I bit my lip and moved closer to John, taking comfort in having my arm linked with his.

"She was acting quite strange at dinner," I said softly, a gust of wind blowing the skirt of my dress out around me. "Didn't you notice?"

John nodded. "I couldn't stand it," he said, stopping as Jacque took out her last pin and shook out her hair so it cascaded around her shoulders. "It's like she's depressed or something."

I shrugged as we continued walking. "Looks like it."

Jacque took John's arm once again. "What do you mean?"

John held open a door leading to a closed off part of the deck. We all shuffled inside and rubbed our hands together, warming up after the unexpected visit outside.

"Can't you see it when she smiles?" I said, letting go of John's arm as we began walking again. "Her eyes don't light up, she flinches at the sight of Mr. Hockley, her mother disgusts her most of the time… can't you tell she's just miserable?"

John's eyes widened. "You don't think-"

"-she's suicidal?" Jacque finished without hesitation.

John swallowed hard. "I wouldn't say it like that."

I shrugged and strode past the doors that led to the Grand Staircase and elevators. I turned to Jacque and John as they approached, and sighed. John delicately took my hand wished me a goodnight before I turned and hugged Jacque.

"See you both bright and early tomorrow morning," I said, smiling. "Let me know if there's any news on Rose."

John smiled. "If you actually get up tomorrow morning."

I smirked and awkwardly looked him in the eyes. "Just you wait, John Lefrod, I'll prove you wrong."

Jacque smiled and tugged on John's arm. "C'mon, we better hurry up. Father and Joseph will worry. We're already late to bed as it is."

John nodded and turned to leave, a small smile on his face. "Goodnight," he said to me, his eyes sparkling in the light from the dome above our heads.

I suddenly felt lightheaded as I looked at his handsome face. I could feel my face growing hot, and as I looked into his eyes, I could rip my gaze from them. He was… different. There was something about me that wanted to make my smile, laugh, and cry at the same time. Was this love? No, no it couldn't be. Love should feel better than this, love doesn't remind you of what you can't have.

"Goodnight," I whispered back, my smile growing softer.

Jacque looked from John to me to back to John again before she began to laugh. "Goodnight Mrs. Lefrod!" she cooed, beginning to walk down the Grand Staircase. I shot her a dirty look, and John chased after her. She squealed and dashed down the stairs, John close behind, their footsteps echoing around the abandoned stairs.

I slowly walked back to my room. As I emerged into our hallway, I skidded to a stop as I saw Mr. Lovejoy, Mr. Hockley, and Uncle Cosmo talking outside the sitting room Aunt Lucille, Uncle Cosmo, and I shared. They were all wearing fake smiles, as if they had been plastered on their faces. Mr. Hockley looked rather frustrated at my uncle though, but no one else seemed notice. My uncle just continued to smile and chatter away as usual.

As I approached the three of them, they all turned and stared as I tried to get into my room.

"Miss Josely," Mr. Hockley said, flashing me a smile. "I'm sorry to bother you at this late hour, but I wanted to thank you for comforting Rose tonight."

I drew my eyebrows together, confused. Didn't he know Jacque had comforted her the whole time? But as he continued, his voice lowered. "Would you happen to know anything of Mr. Dawson?" he asked, narrowing his eyes.

I looked from Uncle Cosmo, who seemed unaware of how serious Mr. Hockley was, to Mr. Lovejoy, and then to Mr. Hockley. Both had their eyes narrowed and were wearing scowls. I looked at Mr. Lovejoy in disgust, remembering how he had looked at Jacque tonight.

"No, Mr. Hockley," I said, wearing a straight face. "Tonight was the first time I'd seen the young man."

"Ah, you see?" Uncle Cosmo asked, clapping a hand on my shoulder. "Mary knows nothing of him, Cal. You have nothing to worry about."

Mr. Hockley looked at me suspiciously, but I shrugged it off and turned around. I gave Uncle Cosmo a peck on the cheek. "If you will excuse me _gentlemen_," I said, eyeing Mr. Lovejoy, "It is rather late and I'll be needing my sleep for tomorrow."

Mr. Lovejoy avoided my gaze and glanced at Mr. Hockley, who was still nodding. "Of course Mary."

I shot my gaze to Mr. Hockley, annoyed at his lack of respect toward me. "_Miss Josely_ if you please," I scowled, opening the door to the sitting room. "Goodnight."

And with that I slammed the door behind me, trying to go to my room, but as I did so, I was surprised to see Laura on the floor, picking up bits of broken glass by the fireplace.

"Laura," I said, slipping my earrings from my ears. "What happened? What are you doing?"

She glanced up at me, as if she was nervous about something. Her hair was slightly out of place, not in her usual, slick bun. She looked like she'd just witnessed a bloody murder, and she bit her lip, feeling a piece of broken glass in her hand.

"What is it?" I asked, kneeling down to her height, placing the earrings on a nearby table. "Is something wrong?"

"No, Miss Josely," she said, sighing and sitting back. She glanced about us, making sure Aunt Lucille's door was shut. She swept the last bits of glass off the floor and placed them on a tray, where they glittered in the light from the chandelier above our heads. She brought a hand to her forehead and sat down in a nearby chair.

"Mr. Lovejoy and Mr. Hockley came in here a little while ago while your aunt and uncle were out at dinner."

I blinked slowly, rising from the floor. My heart was pounding in my chest, and I grabbed the mantle of the fireplace for support.

"Excuse me?"

She bit her lip and looked down, pretending to study her shoes. "They just came… _bursting_ in after I finished preparing your bed. They went into your room, going through all your drawers, even your jewelry box."

She glanced up at me, tears in her eyes.

"I tried to stop them Miss, I really did. They just ignored me and began going through your dresses and other things until they threatened me not to tell anyone about this 'unexpected visit', or else they'd go to the master-at-arms and accuse me of plotting with a certain Mr. Dawson…?"

Her voice trailed off, and she bent over and picked the tray off the floor. "Mr. Hockley broke Lady Lucille's vase on his way out when the _Titanic_ hit a rough wave."

She picked up a piece she missed off the floor.

"What am I to tell your aunt of her favorite vase?"

I felt my face growing hot. Mr. Lovejoy and Mr. Hockley in my room? Going through my personal belongings, my clothes? My dresses, nightgowns, and even my…

I shook my head. I couldn't even think of it. Who would have the nerve to go through a lady's undergarments? I shut my eyes and began to shake, tears beginning to form as well. I held back a curse, but bit my tongue so hard it bled.

Those bastards! Didn't they know anything of privacy? Especially to go through a woman's things without her permission?

I swallowed hard and opened my eyes to see Laura staring at me in fear.

"Will you tell anyone?" she asked, standing up and coming over to me. "I don't want to get in trouble with anyone, Miss. Especially not Mr. Hockley or the master-at-arms!"

For a split second, I almost ran out the door to find that Mr. Hockley myself and give him a good punch. But as soon as I saw the pleading look in Laura's eyes, I decided not to.

Thinking carefully of what to do, I picked up a piece of glass from Laura's tray and twirled it in my hand, avoiding the sharp edges. "No Laura," I said, setting the piece of glass back on the tray and taking her free hand. "I won't tell a soul, I promise. Not even Aunt Lucille and Uncle Cosmo. This will just be between me and you."

She sighed in relief and squeezed my hand. "Thank you, Miss."

She headed for the door, but stopped and turned around. "Goodnight," she said, before heading out into the hallway.

John's farewell to me tonight echoed in my ears as she shut the door behind her. I saw his piercing blue eyes staring into mine as I picked my earrings off of the table. There was something about him, something so familiar that made me think of love. But how could it be when I did not love him? I decided not to think too hard about it, and began to hum as I strolled into my room.

Everything seemed to be in the same place as it had been this evening before I'd left for dinner. Even my jewelry box was shut and stowed away in the same place where I usually kept it.

I opened my drawers though, and felt a surge of anger as I glanced at my dresses. They were all bunched up and wrinkled, as if someone had hastily put them back. My corsets were on the opposite side of the drawer where I'd left them and my undergarments were thrown here and there, which made me even more furious.

On a search to see if I knew anything of Mr. Dawson? More like a search to gape at my personal belongings!

I knew they'd probably been looking for something of Jacque's for Mr. Lovejoy, something that would send her or me to them, looking for it. Either that or trying to find some lingerie designed by Aunt Lucille. Little did they know that I hated Aunt Lucille's lingerie, and the only thing of Jacque's that I owned was my locket, which was safely hidden-

"-in my jewelry box," I groaned out loud, looking at the small box I'd forgotten to lock before I left for dinner.

I opened it and luckily, everything was still there, but as I looked in the small slot where I kept my beloved locket, I cursed.

It was empty, with no trace if it was in the hands of Mr. Lovejoy or Mr. Hockley. Frustrated at my stupidity, I slammed the box shot, nearly knocking it off the desk and leaned against the wall. Tears began to roll down my cheeks, and I clenched my fist into a tight ball, hitting it against mirror next to me.

I needed to get that locket back, stolen by one of the richest men in Europe or not.


	4. Andrew Conham

**"See, I'm a new soul in this very strange world hoping I could learn a bit about what's true and fake. But why all this hate? Try to communicate. Finding trust and love is not always easy to make."**

**-"New Soul" by Yael Naïm**

* * *

_ Tap_, _tap_, _tap_.

"Mary? Mary, are you there?"

I opened my eyes, squinting through the sunlight peeking through a crack in the curtains around my bed.

"Mary?"

I groaned and rolled out of bed, nearly taking the curtains with me. I sleepily walked over to a mirror and began to quickly put my hair back in its loose braid I'd put it in the night before. "Who is it?" I asked, frowning as I looked at my jewelry box, remembering last night.

"It's John, I need to talk to you."

My eyes shot to the door, my breath catching in my throat.

"O-oh," I answered shakily. "Alright. Give me a moment."

I glanced at the nearby table for my small clock, but realized that must've fallen into the hands of Mr. Hockley or Mr. Lovejoy as well.

"What time is it?" I asked, slipping on a robe. "Where's Aunt Lucille?"

"It's nearly nine o'clock," he answered simply. "She's out at breakfast with Ms. Bukater, your uncle, and my father."

I heard his foot tapping. "Are you going to open the door?"

I sighed and applied some powder to my face, hiding the dark circles under my eyes. I then marched over to the door and quickly opened it, sending John tumbling into my room.

"Yes?" I asked, hiding a laugh as he regained his balance.

He glanced around my room, admiring the design of it as I had the first day of our voyage. But as he brought his attention back to me, the small smile on his lips disappeared and he quietly shut the door.

"I need to ask you something," he said solemnly, sitting on the edge of my bed.

I crossed my arms and smirked. "Yes, I'll marry you. I thought we already had that worked out-"

"Stop teasing," he said, looking at the floor. "This is serious… it's about Jacque."

My smile immediately vanished. I heard my heart pounding in my ears and moved closer to him.

"What?" I asked meekly.

He looked up at me, fear in his eyes. "She told me she's seeing a man in steerage, who works in the boiler rooms."

My eyes widened. Had Jacque really told John about her "true love?" I opened my mouth to say something, but he stopped me.

"Don't worry, I'm not mad. But I _am_ concerned…"

His voice trailed off and he stood up and walked over to my window, pulling the curtains back to get a good view of the ocean. "Laura told me Lovejoy and Cal were in your room last night," he whispered, tracing patterns on the window with his finger. "She told me they walked out with your clock and the locket Jacque gave you… were they…?"

I sighed and walked near him, staring out the window as well.

"Yes, they were in here," I replied. "They went through all my drawers, my jewelry box, my bed…"

I blinked hard and felt John put an arm around me.

"Laura said it was something about that Mr. Dawson last night," John said softly, turning to face me.

I looked into his blue eyes and shook my head. "That was only the excuse." My voice shook as I took a deep breath. "John, I'm afraid they were in here looking for something of Jacque's for Mr. Lovejoy."

John's jaw locked and I could feel his arm tensing around my shoulder. All at once, he ripped himself away from me and punched the wall, causing the whole room to shake, the chandelier near my bed swaying slightly from side to side.

"John!" I exclaimed, running over and taking his arm, pulling him away. "Stop! Do you want Laura to hear?"

He shook his head, eyes closed.

"I don't want to be here anymore, Mary," he said, shrugging my hand off his arm and beginning to pace. "I hate it. I hate the people here, I hate my father, and _I hate this ship_!"

He was yelling by now and I slapped a hand over his mouth. "Shut up!" I hissed, pressing us against the wall, trying to hear if Laura had overhead anything. As soon as I was sure all was quiet, I took my hand off his mouth and sighed loudly.

"Do you think that _I _like it?" I asked him, stepping away. "Do you think I like it that I'm getting married at 18? That I have to wear these stupid dresses and corsets all the time? Do you think that I like all this high society crap I've been forced to put up ever since I was a little girl?"

I could feel tears forming in my eyes.

"Do you think Jacque likes it?" I asked in a softer voice. "Or Joseph, or Rose… even Astor's wife, Madeleine, who's a year younger than me and already pregnant?"

I turned from him and gritted my teeth together.

"Once we get married John, we're free, do you realize that?" I asked, taking out my braid and beginning to comb my hair. "Aunt Lucille, Uncle Cosmo, your father, and my father won't be in our lives anymore. We can go anywhere! Chicago, LA, Paris, Tokyo…"

I smiled weakly and turned back to him.

"Just hang in there until the wedding."

John's frown was gone, replaced by a smile. He headed for my door, but paused and looked back at me, beaming.

"Thank you," he said, opening it.

He tried to leave, but turned back to me. "Do you know the name of the man Jacque is seeing?"

I thought for a moment, trying to remember my conversation with Jacque from last night. At last, I shook my head. "I'll ask when I get the chance," I said, tucking my hair behind my ear.

I then strolled over to my mirror to finish messing with my hair, but stopped when I realized he was still there.

"Now if you'll excuse me, Mr. Lefrod," I said, flashing him a smile. "I need to get ready for an early lunch."

He smiled as well and shut the door behind him.

I stood, looking at where he had just been standing for a few moments before I started dressing for lunch. There was something about that boy… something…

"I don't know who that woman thinks she is, I don't give a damn how rich her daughter's fiancé is! If anything, she should be apologizing to _you_ for the way she acted… if anything, I would've given her a piece of my mind!"

I glanced up from my book, smiling at the sound of Ms. Brown's stammering. I was lounged across a deck chair, happily enjoying the nice weather. I'd had a quiet morning, having an enjoyable lunch with Ms. Brown and Thomas Andrews after Aunt Lucille and Uncle Cosmo couldn't make it. Ms. Brown and I became quite close in that short hour together, and even from twenty feet away I recognized her booming voice.

Jacque and Ms. Brown were coming my way, both looking slightly annoyed. I shut my book and stretched, wishing John hadn't woken me up so early.

"Good afternoon, Ms. Brown," I said, as they approached me, rubbing my eyes. "Jacque."

They both smiled and Jacque glanced at the book in my hands. "What are you reading?" she asked, reaching out for it. I handed it to her and she turned it over, reading the title.

"Pride & Prejudice," she read aloud, "By Jane Austen."

"Ah," Ms. Brown said, smiling. "So you like romances?"

I shrugged and took the book from Jacque. "Not as much as you think. Jane happens to be a brilliant writer, and I'm not sentimental, mind you."

An awkward silence followed, and I lightly coughed and picked my coat up from the deck chair.

"If I may ask," I said, half-smiling, "Who were you talking about earlier?"

Ms. Brown let out a laugh and gave me a wink. She moved closer to me and said in a low voice, "Why, Ms. Bukater of course. There's nothing wrong with her, she's a good woman at heart, but while Jacque and I were strolling up on A-deck a few minutes ago, she began criticizing Jacque here of not yet being engaged!"

Jacque rolled her eyes and I couldn't help but smile. "Well, not _yet_," I said, nudging her in the ribs.

"Oh shush," Jacque hissed, her face turning a dark red.

"Ooo," Ms. Brown cooed, flashing both of us another smile. "Who's the lucky man?"

I smiled at Jacque, who frowned back, but eventually gave in and confessed.

"His name is Andrew Conham," she said at last, her voice growing quiet.

My smile softened. "Oh, so now I know the name of this mysterious stranger."

She stuck her tongue out at me and glanced over her shoulder, down to where the steerage passengers usually talked and read on D-deck.

"I'm supposed to meet him in about five minutes, actually," she said, turning back to Ms. Brown and me. "By the stern. Would you like me to introduce you?"

"Yes!" Ms Brown and I replied in unison, laughing at our perfect timing.

Jacque grinned. "Well then ladies, let's go."

As soon as we reached D-deck, a loud voice began to yell, "Jacque! Jacque!"

A young man came running from behind a large group of people. Jacque broke away from Ms. Brown and me and was swept into his arms as they embraced.

He was very cute, no wonder Jacque had fallen for him. He had very pale skin with bright red hair and hazel eyes. He looked older than me, perhaps even older than John and Joseph, not to mention very well built with firm arms and square shoulders. He was shorter than John, but with still a towering look to him. As I watched Jacque smile at him as he placed her on her feet again, I couldn't help but realize how perfect they looked for each other.

As soon as he set her down, he glanced past Jacque and saw me. He froze as he saw Ms. Brown as well, and an awkward look crossed his face, as if he wasn't sure if it was a good or bad thing we were there.

Jacque caught sight of his expression as he looked at us and took his hand. Squeezing it, she led him over to us where Ms. Brown and I were giggling by now.

"Andrew," Jacque said, beaming as she looked at me, "This is my brother's fiancé, Mary Josely. Mary, this is Andrew Conham."

"Pleased to meet you," he said in a deep voice. He offered out his hand and I shook it, delighted to finally get to meet this mysterious lover of Jacque's.

"And this is a good friend of mine," Jacque continued, turning to Ms. Brown, "This is Molly Brown. Molly, Andrew."

They shook hands as well and Ms. Brown cleared her throat after they did. "So… you two plan on getting married?"

Andrew and Jacque glanced at each other, both with a small smile on their faces.

"We hope," Jacque answered. "It depends on if we can get away from Father though."

I drew my eyebrows together. "What do you mean?"

She sighed and brushed a piece of hair from out of her face.

"Father has decided I am to be engaged to Christopher Johnson once we get settled in New York!"

She bit her lip and Andrew wrapped a comforting arm around her shoulder. They both remained silent and I hung my head, shaking it slightly.

So it happened, exactly what I was afraid of.

"I don't understand why parents do this to their children," Ms. Brown said after a few minutes. "Money, power, it's all the world lives for nowadays."

"Not everyone thinks like that," I said, placing a hand on her arm. "At least… we don't."

Jacque, Andrew, and Ms. Brown all smiled. I smiled back and looked high into the afternoon sky was the sun was beginning to fall into its ritual sunset for the evening. Ms. Brown reached into her small handbag and pulled out a small watch, checking the time.

"My, my, time flies," she said, putting it back into her bag. "If you'll excuse me, I promised I'd meet the Countess for tea. I'll see you all tonight at dinner-" She paused and looked at Andrew.

"Well, with the exception of you," she laughed. "It was nice meeting you."

They shook hands and Ms. Brown began making her way to B-deck. I turned back to Jacque and Andrew, eyeing their entwined hands.

"So John knows?" I asked Jacque, breaking the momentary silence.

She looked at Andrew and nodded.

"Joseph as well. Other than them, Ms. Brown, and you, I haven't told anyone else."

Andrew smiled gently at her. "The others will find out in time. I'm not giving you up to this 'Christopher.'"

I smiled in admiration of him. If only I had someone like that for myself! I opened my mouth to reply when we heard a loud, booming voice.

"Jacque! Mary! You better get up here!"

Joseph was waving at us from A-deck. As I glanced up at him in his suit, a concerned look on his face as he saw Jacque and Andrew together. Something about me made me smile however, and I blushed as he looked at me too, his hand freezing in midair, his head cocking to the side. Jacque caught our odd looks and nudged me in the ribs, making me buckle over and smile.

"Do you think your father is coming our way?" I asked her, brushing some curls from my face.

Her face twisted into a scowl. "Probably."

Jacque pecked Andrew on the cheek. "I'll talk to you later then," she said softly. "Tonight, after dinner."

He nodded and Jacque grabbed my hand, dragging me with her as we made our way up to A-deck. Joseph blushed and shut the gate behind us as we clambered up just in time to see Mr. Lefrod round the corner. We all pretended to be in deep conversation, until he was a few feet away and we broke apart, again pretending to have just noticed his arrival.

"Good afternoon," he said to me, nodding at Joseph and Jacque.

He eyed Jacque's windblown hair and my wrinkled skirt. We both had sweaty faces from running so fast, and our cheeks must've been bright red. He hadn't seen us run up from the stern, but I could tell he was suspicious. I pretended not to notice and smiled at Joseph, who was giving his father a curious look.

"Where's John?" Mr. Lefrod asked at once, fixing his hat. Jacque and I looked at Joseph, waiting for an answer as well. He shifted awkwardly and faced his father.

"I think he's down with J.J. and Mr. Andrews taking a tour of _Titanic_. He said he'll be back to pick up Mary for dinner at six."

Something in his voice told me he was lying, but for John's sake, I kept quiet and pretended to fix something on the sleeve of my coat. Jacque coughed lightly in hopes that Mr. Lefrod would get the message to go away. Joseph glanced around us, as if looking for someone before clearing his throat and turning to face me again.

"I was about to head to our room to get ready for dinner, actually," he said, offering his arm to Jacque and me. "I was coming to get Mary and Jacque."

Mr. Lefrod shot us an odd look. "I see… don't be late and keep out of trouble."

"Yes sir," we all replied at the same time. He nodded and began to walk away, but we stayed rooted to the spot. Our smiles faded as he glanced around the corner one final time, before finally disappearing inside. We all remained silent, Jacque and I finally catching up our breaths after running all the way from the stern.

"I can't stand him," Jacque growled, eyes narrowing. "I can't wait until I get married and get out of here."

Joseph sighed and rubbed his arms as a nearby door opened. "Be careful what you wish for, Jacque. It might backfire on you."

"Shush," I said, motioning for Jacque to take his other arm as I took his as well. "That won't happen. It was an accident Jo. When are you going to realize that?"

As Jacque took his other arm, he shook his head and bit his lip.

"Let's just get to dinner," he said quietly, tugging on our arms.

For a moment, I stopped and looked deeply into his eyes. His carried a sadness, something I didn't see in John's. They were the eyes of a man, not a boy like my fiancé's. They had a long lost innocence in them as well… if only I could just put some happiness in them. If only-

"Hey!" Jacque cried. "Will you two get a move on? They sun's getting ready to set!"

I ripped my gaze from Joseph and blinked. Joseph was still looking at me, but after a final tug from Jacque, we began to make our way inside and toward our rooms.

Why, oh why did she always catch me when I stared?


	5. Unwanted Attention

**"And I can love and I know that the tide is turning 'round. So don't let the bastards grind you down."**

**-"Acrobat" by U2**

* * *

I leaned against the mantle of the fireplace. I crossed my arms and sighed loudly, missing my small clock. Would I ever get it back?

"Laura," I called, fixing a loose thread on the sleeve of my dress. "What time is it?"

Wiping her hands on her apron, she came out of Aunt Lucille's room holding a small rag, amused.

"Only a minute after you asked last time, Miss," she answered, a smile on her face. I rolled my eyes but smiled as well, turning to look at my clock out of habit, but turned back, frowning, when I remembered for the millionth time it was no longer there.

"6:14, Miss," Laura said, straightening the curtains in our sitting room.

6:14… fourteen minutes after John said he'd meet me. I was supposed to meet everyone else for dinner at 6:30, and at this point, I wouldn't get to meet Mr. Dawson who was supposedly dining with us tonight from what Joseph had told me.

"Will you be dining with us Laura?" I asked, helping her dust as she began to wipe the rag over various surfaces.

"Oh, no Miss Josely," she said, slightly blushing. "I'm afraid I'll be down in steerage for supper. I frowned and stopped dusting, glancing at the door as I did so.

"Have you made any friends?" I asked, desperate for a conversation.

She nodded, smiling as she looked at me. "My roommates. One, coincidentally, is my sister's cousin-in-law. She's very nice, and she's going to introduce me to a couple more people tonight…"

Her voice grew quiet and I silently laughed. That was most I'd heard her say in one breath since I'd known her.

After we finished dusting, I glanced at the small watch on Laura's uniform.

6:20. Time to forget about John escorting me to dinner.

"I'm going to go ahead and leave," I said over my shoulder to Laura, making my way toward the door. "If John's even shows up, tell him I already went to dinner."

"Yes ma'am," Laura replied, too occupied to say much else.

I strolled out into the hallway and loudly shut the door behind me, amazed at how John had stood me up. I wandered through the hallways until I found myself at a small door which led to the Grand Staircase. A man in a freshly pressed suit opened it for me, greeting me as politely as he'd done the past evenings before that. I nodded back and peered over the nearby railing, trying to get a glimpse of John. When I didn't see him, I lifted my skirts slightly and made my way down until I reached D-deck, the first class dining room.

I immediately found myself in a swarm of richly dressed people, all who were buzzing around, talking about the most idiotic things. I peered around a group of men, trying to find John. In fact, I was trying to find anyone I knew. I couldn't seem to find Aunt Lucille, Uncle Cosmo, or any of the Lefrods. It wasn't until I caught a glimpse of Madeleine Astor did I let out a sigh of relief.

As I made my way toward her, J.J. came into sight as well. They were talking to Mr. Guggenheim, a friend of Uncle Cosmo's, and I waited a while before politely interrupting them.

"Excuse me," I said, shyly behind Madeleine, "But you wouldn't of happened to have stumbled across John Lefrod, would you?"

Mr. Guggenheim and Madeleine looked around them, but J.J. struck a smile and answered, "Yes, Miss Josely. He's right over there."

He pointed toward a familiar mop of brown hair, back toward us. It looked like he was talking to Rose, but as I looked closer I recognized Mr. Dawson as well.

"Thank you," I said, smiling. They all nodded and watched me make my way toward "Mr. Lefrod."

However, as I came closer, I realized it wasn't John at all, but rather Joseph.

"Jo!" I exclaimed, taking his arm as soon as I was close enough. "Where's Jacque?"

He smiled weakly and squeezed my arm. "Over with Father, talking to Molly." He paused and looked at me for a while.

"Where's John? Didn't he escort you to dinner?"

I shook my head, but remembered Rose and Mr. Dawson standing nearby. I glanced up to see the two of them trying not to smile.

Mr. Dawson was very handsome, not quite as handsome as Mr. Hockley or Andrew, but handsome enough to make me blush when he looked me in the eye. Not only that, but he passed nicely as a first class bachelor. Blonde hair slicked back, his blue-green eyes standing out more than ever, a small smile on his lips. He looked so different from the young ragamuffin I'd met on deck last night.

And as I glanced at Rose, there was something different about her too.

She didn't seem nearly as sad and distant as she'd been last night. Her eyes were brighter, smile wider, everything you looked like when you were… well… in love.

"Sorry," Joseph said hastily, making up for the short moment of silence. "Mr. Dawson, this is my future sister-in-law, Mary Josely."

We shook hands delicately, him lightly kissing mine before I pulled it away.

"Call me Jack," he said, winking at me. "According to Mr. Astor, there are already some famous Boston Dawsons."

Joseph and I looked at each other and smiled. I saw Mr. Dawson- _Jack_ trying to think of something else to say before I felt someone link arms with mine.

"Sorry for being late," I heard John's deep voice say.

"Excuse me," I said, taking my arm from Joseph's and nodding toward Rose and Jack. Discretely, I pulled John to a corner by the Grand Staircase and gave him the death look.

"I'm sorry Mary!" he said, taking my hand. "I was down with some friends in second class and the time just got away from me. I knocked on your door but Laura told me you were already at dinner."

He sighed and put his face into his other hand. "I'm sorry I screwed up. It won't happen again."

I rolled my eyes, but squeezed his hand and took his arm.

"C'mon," I half-whispered, "Let's go get a table. Everyone's waiting for us."

He looked at me and smiled. I stuck out my tongue, but made a straight face as an elderly woman passed us. Putting on a straight face himself, we waited until she was out of sight. We burst into giggles as she rounded the corner and John tugged me along toward a table that Rose was headed to.

Honestly, I was dreading where I would be seated tonight. Every dinner so far had been pretty miserable, considering my aunt and Ms. Bukater would often brag about the weddings in their families. But when John motioned for me to sit next to him, with Jack on my left, I smiled brightly when I sat down. Of course, Ms. Bukater and Mr. Hockley were sitting across from me, but that didn't stop me from enjoying my meal.

All night, Mr. Hockley and Ms. Bukater tried to find different ways to embarrass Jack, but every time they thought they'd finally won him over, he would reply with a quick and witty response that sent everyone into gales of laughter. He was quite amusing to listen to, and with Ms. Brown on the other side of him, the two kept us laughing all evening.

At last, with final satisfied sighs and belches, the dessert and dinner platters were cleared from the table. The men got up to have their nightly smoke in the first class smoking lounge, but I found it quite funny to watch Uncle Cosmo's expression when Jack declined his invitation to join them with an excuse he had to leave. After the men left, other than Molly, I'd have no one to talk to. Jacque was on the other side of the table, in between Ms. Bukater and Aunt Lucille, and did not look pleased. She gave me a pleading look, but I shrugged and looked around me, unsure of how to rescue her. Molly was busy talking to a server, implying that her meal had been cooked "too well."

"Make sure it's pink inside next time, sonny," she said, tucking something small into her purse.

Jack bid his farewell to Rose and left. Mr. Hockley, still standing by Ms. Bukater and wishing her goodnight as well, looked at the suspiciously before heading off behind Mr. Guggenheim.

"You'll be alright?" Joseph asked, coming up behind me. "Do you want John to escort you back to your room?"

I rolled my eyes and straightened the skirt of my dress as I stood up.

"I've got legs, Jo," I said bitterly, frowning as I felt a pin poke my scalp from the ridiculous hairdo I was wearing.

"Sorry," he muttered, stepping back so I could slide past him and make my way around the table. "Sometimes I just wonder about you wandering around by yourself."

I shot him a look over my shoulder, a small smile on my lips.

"I'll be fine. Jacque are I are meeting you know who-"

I winked.

"-on D-deck outside. We'll be back by midnight."

He smiled back. "Fine, but tell me all about it tomorrow at lunch.

I smirked. "Will do."

I snuck up behind Jacque and softly tapped her shoulder.

"Excuse me," I said to Aunt Lucille and Ms. Bukater, "But Jacque and I need to be getting back to our rooms after a quick stroll."

The two women nodded as Jacque scooted her chair out and stood up.

"Don't be too late," Aunt Lucille reminded me. "We're going to the church service tomorrow morning, ten o'clock sharp."

I nodded and said goodnight, before linking arms with Jacque and making our way outside. As soon as we were out of ears reach, Jacque stopped by the door leading outside and glanced at her clothes.

"Let's go back to our rooms and put on something simpler," she begged, playing with her hair. "It will be absolutely mortifying to meet Andrew like this."

I smiled. "I don't think he would mind at all."

"Oh, shush," she said, her cheeks turning red. "Meet me by my room when you're done. We'll head off from there."

We parted at the bottom of the Grand Staircase, Jacque heading up to B-deck while I took the elevators, scared I would slip and fall if I tried to walk all the way up to A-deck.

After the elevator doors slid open on A-deck, I clambered out and glanced around, trying to find our hallway. When I did, I couldn't help but feel as if someone was watching me. But as I looked around, there was no one, but that didn't stop a shiver from running down my spine.

Once I was in my room, I began to sort through my dresses, searching for one that would be suitable for third class, but elaborate enough to get me back in first class territory after were done. After running my hand over a few, I finally pulled out a navy blue dress, one I usually wore around the house back in France, but I figured now would be a good time as ever to wear it. It had a dark lace trim at the skirt, something any fool would recognize as first class material. I slipped on a pair of boots before glancing out my bedroom door to see if Laura had seen me sneak in. The sitting room was quiet, so I guessed she was still dining in third class. I grabbed a heavy coat, one that would hide my dress if we ran into anyone from first class on our way back.

I slipped out the door, wrapping the coat tightly around me as I made my way to the elevators which took my down to B-deck.

I knocked on Jacque's door, careful so no one else would hear.

"Jacque?" I asked, pressing my ear against the door. "It's me, Mary."

A quick movement behind me made me spin around, my heart pounding. But no one else was in the hallway; it seemed everyone was still dining.

I rapped on her door again.

"Jacque?" I asked, a bit louder. "Jacque, hurry up. I don't like being out here by myself."

"Keep your corset on," I heard her mutter from inside. "I just need to slip on some shoes."

After a moment, the door flew open and Jacque stepped out, and she looked quite marvelous in her plain clothes. Her dress was a dark green, almost black, with a neckline, much simpler than mine. Her bangs were pulled back by a clip, out of her eyes, but the rest of her blonde curls lay by her shoulders, creating a perfect frame for her face.

I smiled and took out my bun, taking a tie and putting my hair in the loose braid that I'd worn on the first day on _Titanic_. Jacque quickly shut the door behind her and glanced around before we began making our way toward the elevators. But every footstep seemed to echo in my ears, and I felt my pace quickening as my heart began to leap out of my chest.

"Jacque," I said, fear catching my voice as I grabbed her arm. "I don't like this, something doesn't feel right-"

"And so it doesn't," an oh, so familiar voice hissed.

We both whipped around to find Mr. Lovejoy standing behind us, with Mr. Hockley a few feet away from him as well. Mr. Hockley had a smug expression on his face, staring both of us down. His arms were crossed and he was leaning against the nearby wall, examining our outfits.

"Excuse us gentlemen," Jacque said firmly, looking the both of them straight in the eye. "Someone's expecting us."

She made to walk toward the elevators, but Mr. Lovejoy moved in front of her, blocking our path. I felt Mr. Hockley come up behind me as well, so there was no way for us to escape.

"You wouldn't happen to know where Rose and Mr. Dawson are, would you?" he cooed in my ear.

I turned and grabbed Jacque's arm, trying to get around Mr. Hockley, but every time I did so, he just continued to move and block our path.

"No," I growled, glancing at Jacque. "Now, if you would excuse us…"

"Where are you going?" Mr. Hockley asked, stroking my cheek. "And in those plain clothes too? Why, you could get lost…"

"Decency, sir!" I exclaimed, slapping his hand away.

"Leave us alone," Jacque said as well, trying to find a way out.

Mr. Lovejoy moved closer to her and I felt fear grip my throat. I began to run the other way, but instead ran into Mr. Hockley's shirt. He chuckled and grabbed my arm.

"What's the hurry?" he mocked, Mr. Lovejoy laughing behind him. "Stay for a while, let's get to know each other a little more. These past few evenings at dinner haven't been quiet enough for _my_ tastes."

"Mary-" Jacque squealed, before Mr. Lovejoy clasped a hand over her mouth and pressed the two of them against the wall.

"I'm _engaged_," I growled, ripping my arm from Mr. Hockley's grasp.

"That doesn't change anything," he smirked, beginning to lean in towards me. In one swift motion, he made to kiss me, but I turned my head, letting him kiss my hair, his soft groan in my ear.

His smile immediately disappeared and he roughly grabbed my shoulders.

"Give us a moment Lovejoy," he said in a low voice, sending another chill down my spine.

"No, don't!" I half-screamed as Mr. Lovejoy dragged Jacque into her room. The door was roughly shut behind them, sending an eerie echo down the abandoned hallway. I swallowed hard and looked up into Mr. Hockley's blue eyes.

"You little-" he began, but stopped himself, knowing better. Instead, he shook me, shaking my hair from its braid. As my locks fell into my face, he smiled and let me go.

"You don't have to hide your feelings, Mary," he said softly, putting an arm around me and playing with a button on my coat. I frowned in disgust and pushed him away, buttoning it up so he couldn't see my dress.

"No one's here anymore," he continued, a small smile on his lips. "It's just me… and you."

I shot him a dirty look.

"You're a bastard," I said, ducking under his arm to bolt down the hallway.

He grabbed my arm once more and twisted it behind me, making tears spring into my eyes as he brought my back to his chest.

"Careful now," he whispered, his breath on my ear. "I could send you to the master-at-arms for burglary."

He dangled one of Jacque's diamond necklaces in front of my face.

"You were in her room too?" I asked between clenched teeth, trying to wriggle free of his grip.

He laughed. "Why yes, we were. Thank you for leaving your room conveniently unlocked as well. That made the procedure much easier."

"What about Rose?" I panted, feeling the circulation begin to cut off in my wrist. "Don't forget about her Mr. Hockley-"

"Cal," he cooed once more, pressing himself even closer to me. "Be a good girl and I'll give you your locket back as well."

While saying this, he pulled it out and dangled it in front of my face along with Jacque's. I made to snatch them with my free hand, but as I did so, he twisted my other arm even farther, my hand freezing in midair as I let out a yelp of pain.

"You don't _really_ love John," he said, playing with a lock of my hair. "I see it in your eyes. You love someone else, someone you can't have."

"Stop it!" I cried, fighting tears as the pain in my wrist grew.

"Let's just have some fun before we get married," he said, playing the locket in my free hand before tucking Jacque's into his own pocket. "You know who you _really_ love, Mary. So why not admit it?"

He narrowed his eyes at my stubborn silence and leaned to kiss me once more. His lips mashed against mine, and for a split second, his grip loosened on my arm, and I took this as my only chance. In one swift motion, I brought my boot slamming into his groin. I heard the satisfying collision, and Mr. Hockley ripped away from me, screaming and falling to the floor.

I burst into the room where Mr. Lovejoy had taken Jacque. In the sitting room connected to her father and brother's rooms, Mr. Lovejoy was leaning over her in a chair, whispering something in her ear.

"Get away from her you bastard!" I screamed, running towards them.

Jacque's eyes immediately lit up as she saw me while Mr. Lovejoy whipped around, mouth slightly open in surprise. I was only a few feet away from him, ready to give him the beating of his life, when he pulled out something silver that made me stop in my tracks.

I looked down the barrel of a pistol, and felt my heart jump into my throat.

"No!" Jacque screamed, trying to push her way in between Mr. Lovejoy and me, but was hurled back by Mr. Lovejoy firmly slapping her with his other hand.

"Don't hurt her," I said in a low voice. "If this is how you want to end it, fine. Do it. See how you live with yourself."

For a moment, all was silent except for Mr. Lovejoy's deep breathing and Mr. Hockley's moaning outside. I looked straight into his gray eyes, praying for a miracle. I heard the gun click, and I shut my eyes, ready to defend myself when he pulled the trigger, when a loud crash came from John's room.

The door by the fireplace burst open, and all at once, a vase flew through the air and hit Mr. Lovejoy's hand, knocking the pistol from his grip.

Tumbling out from John's room, emerged Joseph and Andrew.

Quickly recovering, I ran forward and grabbed Mr. Lovejoy's suspenders, holding them far from his shirt.

"Get yourself another hobby," I growled, letting go of them. They flew back onto his chest with a loud snap, and he grunted and bent over, catching his breath. Andrew took his hair and punched him in the gut before I felt Joseph grab my wrist and begin to pull me into the hallway.

"No, stop!" I gasped, fighting the pain. "Jo, let go! It hurts! _Let go_!"

He immediately did so and grabbed my shoulders, fear in his eyes. "What is it? What's the matter?"

"I'll tell you later," I said, shutting my eyes and clenching my teeth. "Just get Jacque out of here."

He nodded and grabbed my other wrist. I could feel my locket had left an imprint on my hand as we rushed out the door. We heard Andrew and Jacque right behind us, but as we passed Mr. Hockley who was still on the ground, I skidded to a stop.

I lowered myself close to his face, grabbing his shirt by the collar, forcing him to look me in the eye.

"I love John more than you love Rose," I said, searching his eyes for any sign of regret. There was none, so I shoved him back on the ground, grabbing Jacque's necklace from his pocket as he let out a hiss of pain.

"You'll regret tonight, I promise you," I said, kicking him.

"Mary, come on," Joseph said, putting an arm on my shoulder.

The four of us walked away, fresh tears on Jacque's cheeks, and my wrist beginning to swell as we made our way to the elevators.

"A-deck," I said to the operator, clutching my wrist, trying to hold back my tears. "Hurry."

As soon as we arrived at my room, I stopped and leaned close to the door, trying to hear inside.

"Wait here," I said, wiping my tears away and smoothing my coat.

I peered inside, trying to look casual in case Laura or Aunt Lucille happened to be there, but no one was in sight, and I let out a sigh of relief. I tiptoed to Aunt Lucille's room and looked inside, but the bed was made and empty as well.

"No one's here," I said, opening the door to the hallway wider. I suddenly shut my eyes and sat down in a nearby arm chair, slightly rocking back and forth to block out the pain.

"Please," I said through my teeth, "The icebox is on the small table by the fireplace."

Joseph nodded and fished out his handkerchief, scooping ice into it and tying the ends of the dirty rag into a knot. Andrew and Jacque went into the W.C., apparently cleaning some kind of cut Jacque had. I heard the faucet running and leaned back onto the armchair as Joseph made his way over with the ice.

"Give me your wrist," he said, scooting a chair over next to me.

Very shyly, I extended my hand away from my chest, where he carefully examined it in his hands.

"Is it broken?" I asked, flinching as he lightly pressed his fingers near the joint.

He felt it some more before finally shaking his head. "No, just dislocated. Hold tight, this'll hurt."

Before I had time to ask what he was going to do, he moved my wrist very quickly. There was a loud snap and I felt the blood begin to flow again, but not before the pain came.

"Oh my god!" I cried, tears falling as I tried to jerk my hand away. "What did you _do_?!"

I began to cry harder than ever as I saw it begin to swell even more. Joseph placed my hand on a pillow and set the ice on top of it, relieving the pain at once.

"I put it back in place," he said, wiping my tears away with his thumb. "So it wouldn't swell and then be impossible to fix."

I stopped crying and sniffed, glad to finally have some ice on my stupid hand. I glanced up and looked at him, a small smile breaking through on my lips.

"Thank you," I said, brushing some hair from my face.

He smiled as well and took his jacket off, hanging it on a nearby chair. "Anything for my soon-to-be sister-in-law."

"And Jacque," I said, winking.

At the thought of that, I opened my free hand, where the small locket and Jacque's necklace lay.

"Your necklaces?" he said, staring with wide eyes. "He stole them?"

"Along with Mr. Lovejoy," I said in a low voice, putting Jacque's necklace in his hand.  
He tucked it into his pant pocket and scooted closer to me. "Let me help you with that," he said, taking the locket from my hand. I smiled and lifted my hair from my neck. He quickly fastened it, and as his soft hands brushed my skin, I couldn't help but feel my face grow hot.

The tiny heart fell on in its place on top of my dress, and I smiled as I put my hair back down and felt it with my hand.

"How did you know we were in trouble?" I asked, turning to face him again as he sat down beside me once more.

His eyes burned a hole in mine.

"It was Andrew," he said softly, avoiding my gaze. "He knew something wasn't right when Jacque was late. I figured it was Lovejoy after seeing the way he stared at her."

He glanced at me, but looked away as soon as he did. "Cal had been giving you some odd looks as well."

I shook my head. "I'm nothing to stare at, and we both know what he really wanted. He's not interested in me, and in fact, I hardly noticed him I was so outraged at Lovejoy."

My voice caught in my throat.

"Mr. Hockley is _engaged_ for heaven's sake! Who does something like that to their fiancé?"

Joseph shrugged and looked away once more, trying to hide something in his eyes.

"Can we not talk about this anymore?" he asked, wiping his eyes with the back of his sleeve. "I'm sorry, it's just a little much right now…"

He fell silent and stared at my wrist, which was now numb but still painfully throbbing.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I asked meekly, putting a hand on his cheek and lightly turning his head toward mine. I know Mr. Hockley isn't one to share condolences with; he recovers quite quickly-"

"No," he said, his voice hard, but softened it as I dropped my hand and began to unbutton my coat. "No, thank you. Rose and I talked about-" He paused and drew in a long breath. "-Kathryn after breakfast this morning."

He smiled and shrugged.

"It turns out she really does love Kathryn as well. She was a great comfort to me."

I rocked my hand to the side, suddenly lost with a thought.

"Is it just me, or does she seem… different to you?" I asked, examining his expression.

He glanced up at me with a raised eyebrow, but smiled and shrugged. "She seemed happier tonight. Almost as if she was in-"

He stopped, a curious look in his eyes. He crinkled up some paper in a nearby basket and tucked them under the wire rack in the fireplace before lighting them. In a matter of minutes, a nice fire was going, with satisfied pops and cracks echoing around the room.

"You don't think her and Jack…?" I asked, a small smile creeping onto my face.

Joseph, who was now warming his hands by the fire, laughed and poked the logs with a small metal cane laying nearby.

"Who knows?" he said, sitting next to me once again. "Anything is possible on this 'ship of dreams.'"

I rolled my eyes and lightly pushed him. "Very funny."

A brief silence followed before the door to the W.C. opened, Jacque with a fresh bandage on her arm, Andrew close behind.

"What happened?" she asked, coming over to Joseph and me. "Is it broken?"

"Dislocated," I corrected, glancing at her and winking. "But Dr. Joseph here put it back in place."

He shrugged and gave me an odd look. "It's going to feel like it's broken for a couple of days, so be careful not to use it too often."

I sighed and looked at my left hand, half-hidden under ice. "Just thank God it isn't my writing hand," I smirked, lightly poking him with my good hand.

Andrew smiled and looked over his shoulder to the W.C. "Do you need any bandages? There were some in the closet in there."

"That would be nice, thanks," I said before Joseph could reply for me.

As he did so, Jacque smoothed her hair and wiped away the last of her tears. "Where's John?" she asked. "I would've expected him to be with you."

Joseph sighed. "Down in second class yet again. He's really made some good mates down there."

I rolled my eyes as Andrew emerged from the bathroom. "Of course he'd be the one to miss all the excitement."

Andrew handed a roll of gauze to Joseph, who carefully rolled out a good three feet of it. Using his pocket knife to cut if, he slowly began wrapping my black and blue wrist. I winced as his fingers pressed a little too hard, and I drew back and bit my lip.

"Sorry," he muttered, catching sight of my expression.

"So what are we going to do about Cal and Lovejoy?" Jacque asked, sitting herself across from us. Joseph and I looked at each other, unsure of how to answer.

"We should bloody as hell turn him in!" Andrew said, placing a hand on Jacque's shoulder. "For burglary and molesting, damn it!"

I winced at his last sentence. The last thing I wanted to was remember what had happened tonight. I opened my mouth, but Jacque shook her head and brushed his hand off her shoulder.

"We can't do that to the Bukaters," she said, deep in thought. "You've heard the rumors, they're in debt, left by Rose's father. Marrying Cal and inheriting his fortune is the only way to keep them from ending up on the streets."

Joseph finished wrapping my wrist, taping the end of the gauze just under my thumb. He rubbed his forehead and let out a long sigh before moving over to the couch beside me.

"Jacque's right," he said, running a hand through his hair. "For the Bukater's sake, we can't turn him or Lovejoy in."

He picked up the ice laying nearby and strolled out to the private deck, throwing it out a window. As he came back into the sitting room, I gritted my teeth, unsure of how to react. If anything, Rose would be happy for an excuse not to marry Mr. Hockley. But then again, where would they end up without him?

"What do you think, Mary?" Joseph asked softly, placing a hand protectively over my wrist.

I glanced up at him, then to Andrew and Jacque. They were all staring at me as if my opinion was the final solution. I sighed in frustration, playing with the locket around my neck.

"Don't turn him in," I said reluctantly at last. "If anything, pretend nothing happened." I glanced at my wrist and at the cut on Jacque's arm.

"Jacque," I said, motioning to our injuries, "We'll say we toppled over on some deck chairs out on B-deck and Joseph helped us inside."

I gave Andrew a sympathetic look. "Sorry Andrew," I said, "But I don't think my aunt as well as Jacque's father would be too pleased if they discovered we were helped by a steerage man, considering what happened between Rose and Mr. Dawson last night."

He shrugged. "I'm used to it."

I looked at Joseph, taking his hand in mine.

"Thanks again," I said, glancing from him to Andrew. I squeezed his hand and brought mine back to my necklace. Andrew and Jacque began to leave, when she turned around and gave me an empathetic stare.

"Do you need any help getting into your night things?" she asked, glancing at my wrist.

"No," I said bluntly. "I've broken plenty of other bones before, I can handle it."

She stared at me for a moment, before nodding and leaving with Andrew. I turned to get up and head to my room, but was surprised to find Joseph still sitting next to me.

"Aren't you going as well?" I asked, taking out my earrings, pain shooting through my wrist as I pressed a bit too hard.

He opened his mouth, as if to say something important, but shut it and glanced around. His eyebrows came together in thought, before he spat out, "Do you want me to stay for the night?"

He blinked and quickly changed his wording.

"I mean, to keep watch, of course," he said, his face redder than mine had been this evening. "It'll just be Lucille and you, and Sir Cosmo who's-"

"-blissfully unaware of the way people truly are," I finished, sighing. "Don't worry, Jo. I can handle it myself if they _do_ dare come back. Plus, there are stewards and passengers wandering the hallways all night, along with Mr. Andrews." I smiled and took of my coat, hanging it on the nearby hook. "Tell John what happened, but make sure he doesn't tell a soul. I only want this between you, Jacque, Andrew, John, and me."

"My father?" he asked, drawing his eyebrows together.

"Not a word!" I exclaimed. "He may be friends with Mr. Hockley, but that won't stop him from storming off to report him to the master-at-arms!"

He nodded. "I'll tell him you and Jacque fell on some deck chairs then."

I smiled and turned to go into me room, when he ran in front of me and took my hand in his, kissing it.

"Thank you," he said, eyes shining, "For protecting Jacque. That was unbelievably brave what you did."

I shook my head, waving the idea away. "She's like my sister too. How could I let anyone hurt her?"

He smiled softly and gave me a one armed squeeze. "Now you know how I feel about you," he said, his voice suddenly growing quiet.

After realizing what he said, he pulled away and ran out the sitting room door, shutting it quickly behind him.

I stared after him, wide eyed, still feeling his arm around me.


	6. The Coat and the Letter

**"And I think of you whenever life gets me down. I think of you whenever you're not around. And you rest your bones somewhere far from my house.  
Yeah, but you still pull me home"**

**-"Think of You" by A Fine Frenzy**

* * *

After a long morning of explaining what "supposedly" happened last night to Aunt Lucille, Uncle Cosmo, Mr. Lefrod, I was thrown into a corset and a dress with more lace than the one I was to wear at my wedding and sent off to the church service that was to be in the first class dining room. The service was long, being led by the _Titanic_'s captain, E.J. Smith. We'd already sung several hymns and sat through a long sermon, when a final hymn was announced. I bit my tongue, trying not to complain out loud, but stood up and opened the small handout the stewards had given us.

_For those in peril on the sea_, I read silently to myself. I glanced at John, who was singing next to me, his off-pitch voice a bit too loud. His eyes were squinting as he tried to read the tiny text. He'd needed glasses for some time now, but had refused to a doctor, complaining how he would look ridiculous in them.

Mr. Lefrod, Jacque, and Joseph were all in the row in front of us. My gaze kept slipping from the hymn on the handout to the bandages on Jacque's arm, half-hidden by her sleeve. John saw me staring, and moved closer to me, trying to calm my nerves. I saw Joseph straining to hear himself over Uncle Cosmo's booming voice.

"Uncle," I said, elbowing him in the side. "Ssh."

He stopped singing and laughed, poking me in the side.

"Sorry," he said, smiling, beginning to sing in a much softer voice.

As soon as we got to the chorus, I looked up to see Mr. Lovejoy heading outside the room, speaking to someone with messy blonde hair and blue-green eyes who was trying to get in at the main doors.

"Jack," I said under my breath, pretending to sing and watch him the whole time. I saw Mr. Lovejoy try to offer him money, but after a few minutes Jack walked away, two stewards at his side, each holding the wad of dollar bills Mr. Lovejoy had offered him. I rolled my eyes, focusing on the music once more. Of course Mr. Hockley would use money to try and bribe Jack like he'd done with so many of his "friends."

As soon as the hymn was over, everyone dispersed into the next room to have lunch, where a low buzz began to arise from more mindless chatter. I smirked as I saw Mr. Hockley's expression as he stood up. Rose took his arm and the two of them, along with Ms. Bukater and Mr. Lovejoy, made their way toward Mr. Andrews, who escorted them up the Grand Staircase.

"Ah!" Uncle Cosmo said, snapping his handout shut and placing it on his chair, "Where shall we have lunch then? In the dining room as usual?"

I saw Aunt Lucille and Mr. Lefrod nod quite eagerly, but I shook my head. "You can go ahead," I said to them. "I'm not that hungry."

Aunt Lucille pressed her hand against my forehead. "You're not sick, are you?" she asked, feeling my cheek with the other side of her hand. "You feel a bit warm."

"I'm fine," I said, backing away from her hand's reach. "I just need some fresh air. It's just a bit of seasickness, that's all."

Uncle Cosmo nodded, a boyish grin on his face. "Alright, we'll meet you in the sitting room for tea."

I nodded as well and excused myself, smiling as I took out my locket from the pocket in my coat. I climbed up the Grand Staircase and made my way up to C-deck, the chilly air catching me by surprise as I stepped out into the sun. My thin coat was no match for this weather, and I sighed. I was not looking forward to the walk back to my room, but I had no choice, and I turned around to head back inside.

"Here," a deep voice said, a much warmer coat being wrapped around my shoulders.

I glanced up into a pair of warm, brown eyes smiling at me. At first, I had no idea who'd offered me their coat, but as I glanced at his uniform, my eyes brightened.

"Thank you Officer…?"

"Murdoch," he answered brightly. "Is that better?"

"Much, thank you," I said, pulling it tighter around myself. "This is unusually cold weather for April, isn't it?"

"Aye," he said, glancing at the crystal clear sky and the calm waters around us. "That it is Miss, but what a beautiful day."

I smiled. "Yes, it is."

A brief silence followed, neither of us sure what to say next. I shuffled my feet, grateful for the long coat.

Suddenly remembering, I said, "Oh, I'm-"

"-Mary Josely," he said, flashing me another brilliant smile. "Your uncle talks of you quite a lot."

"You've met?" I asked, suddenly interested.

"Yesterday, after dinner," he said, taking his hat off. "I was on my way to tell Mr. Ismay about the ship's progress when we bumped into each other as his was on his way to the smoking lounge. He described you with such detail that I knew it was you right away when I saw you."

I blushed.

"He shouldn't of done that," I said. "I'm not much to brag about, other than being the great-niece of a Duff-Gordon."

He frowned. "I don't think so. You're already more interesting to me than that."

I laughed. "Well, you must not know very many exciting people."

His frown slowly disappeared and was replaced by a smile. I couldn't help but blush again from the attention, and I squinted as I looked up into the sky once more, trying to change the subject.

"Don't you want your coat back?" I asked, meaning to take it off. "It's terribly cold out, I have a warmer one in my room-"

"No," he said, cutting me off. He placed the coat around my shoulders once more and shrugged off the sudden gust of wind, wringing his hat in his hands. "Keep it. I've got another one in my quarters, and my shift's over anyway. It's the least I could do for a friend."

I beamed. "Thank you."

He put his hat back on his head before tipping it. With a final smile and a goodbye, he began walking away, disappearing up the stairs to A-deck. I shook my head at my constant blushing and quickly slipped my arms through the navy blue sleeves and buttoned it up, glad it kept out most of the cold.

I followed the ship's railing until I came to a row of deck chairs. I giggled, thinking of how it was for anyone to believe I dislocated my wrist by falling over deck chairs. How klutzy did they think Jacque and I were?

I sat myself down and pulling out a book from my handbag, I began to read. It wasn't because I didn't want to be with John that I was skipping lunch, it was because of Mr. Hockley and his stare that kept me out here in the cold. Knowing Aunt Lucille, she'd probably want to dine with the Bukaters after they were done taking a tour with Mr. Andrews, so I was more than happy to skip a meal to avoid him. But my stomach growled and I frowned. Could I avoid him at dinner too? It was just a few more days before _Titanic_ reached New York. I leaned back in my chair and began nodding off. I hadn't slept well last night, thanks to Mr. Hockley and my wrist. At the most, I only got a couple hours of sleep before Aunt Lucille had thrown open my curtains once again and barked at me to get up and get ready.

I brought my hand to my neck, feeling the delicate chain between my nearly numb fingers. I'd forgotten to take it off last night, but I was glad. It was better than any of the pearls and diamonds in my jewelry box.

I shut my eyes, trying to right the urge for a afternoon nap, but I felt at peace as soon as I did, letting my dreams take over my thoughts…

"Mary?"

My eyes snapped open, the setting sun shining its light onto mine. I shielded my face from it, the breeze from the ocean suddenly picking up.

"John?" I asked, sitting up. "What time is it?"

"Nearly six," my fiancé answered, picking up my book from my lap. "How long have you been asleep?"

I yawned, nearly falling out of the chair. "Since you all went to lunch."

He looked at me with surprised. "Five hours? You took a nap for five hours?"

"This is not the easiest thing to sleep with," I said, waving my bandaged wrist in his face.

He pushed it away and stood up as the ship rocked slightly.

"Who's is this?" he asked, lightly tugging on the jacket around my shoulders.

"Mr. Murdoch's," I replied coolly. "He was kind enough to give it to me when I came outside."

John shrugged and offered his arm to me. "Come, we better head down to your room so you can get ready for dinner."

"I'm not _going_ to dinner," I grumbled as John opened a nearby door leading to the gymnasium.

"Why not?"

I rolled my eyes. "I'm not facing that Mr. Hockley again. Not until we get off _Titanic_."

John shook his head and ushered both of us inside, leading me through some more extravagant hallways I hadn't seen. "You can't skip two meals," he said, a concerned look on his face. "You need to eat something."

My stomach growled and I made a face, not happy with its lousy timing.

"I'm not eating dinner in the same room then," I said, frowning. "And if that involves not eating, then I'll deal with it."

He stopped and faced me, putting a hand on my arm. "I'll bring you something then," he said. "After dinner. I'm not going to be able to eat myself if I know you're hungry."

I smiled in embarrassment and we continued walking until we reached my room.

"It's fine, don't worry about me," I said, giving him a slight push. "I need to write a letter to Father anyway. He's not going to arrive in New York until a few days before the wedding and it's been a while since I've written in the first place."

I opened my door and glanced back at him. A small scowl was on his lips as he glanced into my room, as if Mr. Hockley or Mr. Lovejoy might be in there as well, waiting to attack as soon as I shut the door.

"Tell everyone I still wasn't feeling well," I said, a pleading look in my eyes. "Please?"

He ran a hand through his hair and sighed. "Fine."

I beamed. "Thanks."

I went to shut the door, when he wedged his foot in the doorway.

"Put some fresh gauze on that wrist of yours," he said, moving his foot out of the way. "I don't want you to hurt it more than it already is."

I rolled my eyes. "I'll be _fine_. Quit worrying!"

I shut the door behind me and strolled into my room. After hanging Mr. Murdoch's coat as well as my thinner one in the nearby closet, I waltzed over to my mirror.

I looked terrible. My hair had fallen out of the clip that had held it up at the service this morning. My makeup was smeared from sleeping and I had bags under my eyes once more. My corset was beginning to poke my side, and I turned to the W.C. for a quick bath.

After drying my hair and slipping on a nightgown, I unwrapped the wet gauze on my wrist. It was still pretty swollen with a variety of colors to accompany it, but it looked better than I'd expected. I quickly cut another strip of fresh gauze and began wrapping it around my wrist, just as Joseph had done the night before. I emerged from the W.C. and glanced out the window, watching the red sun settle into the cold ocean.

I smiled softly and snuck into Aunt Lucille's room to borrow a pen and some paper before settling myself in front of a now-dying fire in the sitting room.

_Dear Father__,_ I wrote.

_I'm sorry it's been such a long time since I last wrote. The news of Kathryn has kept the Lefrods in a sad state lately, and Aunt Lucille, Uncle Cosmo, and I have tried to console them in their mourning._

_ Joseph seems to be doing very well. He's gotten some color back in his cheeks and has even gotten the chance to talk to Kathryn's older brother, Caledon Hockley, and his fiancé, Rose DeWitt Bukater, who, coincidentally, are also sailing on _Titanic.

_Jacque, John, and I have become much closer on this trip so far. We've made some new friends as well, including Ms. Margaret Brown, John Jacob Astor, Thomas Andrews, and Bruce Ismay. And today, I was lucky enough to have met Mr. Murdoch, an officer aboard _Titanic.

_I can't wait to see you next month. Can you believe the wedding is only a few weeks away? It seems as if it was only yesterday when I became engaged._

I paused and sighed loudly, unsure of how to continue.

_I've missed you quite a lot since you've moved to America. I hope we see each other before I at last become Mrs. John Lefrod._

_ Yours truly,_

_ Mary_

_ 4/14/1912_

I placed my pen down on the desk, satisfied by how I ended the letter.

I looked at the darkening sky, and couldn't help but let tears well up in my eyes. One dripped down my nose and splashed onto my signature.

I began to wipe it away, but stopped when I realized it might smear the fresh ink, so instead, I let it dry there. It seeped through the pages, leaving a dark spot over my name. I hoped Father wouldn't fret when he read it.

I blew out the small candle sitting on the table beside me. I tucked the letter in an envelope I had saved for the trip and sealed it the old fashioned way, with some candle wax and pressing it shut with Aunt Lucille's small ring she used for letters.

Letting it sit for a moment so the wax would dry, I looked at the glowing fire, slowly going out. I popped open my locket and looked at the small faces of Jacque and Father. As my eyes fell on Jacque's, I couldn't help but smile. Hers was quite glamorous, I had to admit. She was sitting on the porch of her old house in London, her hair pulled back in a braid with her chin resting on her fist, a bright smile on her face. So honest, so pure, it was no wonder Andrew had fallen for her immediately.

But Father's… his was so serious. He was sitting in a chair, no sign of expressions, in his finest suit and stiff, looking like the most miserable person on earth. I loved him, but he really had no idea how ridiculous he looked trying to fit in with the style of high society photography.

I picked up the envelope, wax now dry, and went into my room, tucking into a small drawer in my nightstand. I quickly threw my hair into a loose braid, wiping off the last trace of lipstick from that morning. I made to take off my locket as well, but something stopped me. Instead, I flicked off the lights and crawled into bed, letting sleep overcome me once more.

Lying still, my thoughts began to wander. To the wedding as usual, a low rumble growing in my stomach. But something else was keep me up as I began to toss and turn.

A voice, a pair of blue eyes, a laugh that was just like John's, but yet was not like his at all…


	7. Remember Who You Are

**"Then from on high, somewhere in the distance, there's a voice that calls, 'Remember who you are. If you lose yourself, your courage soon will follow.' So be strong tonight. Remember who you are."**

**-"Sound the Bugle" by Bryan Adams from Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron**

* * *

"What is the meaning of this? Why are you in here? Get out! _Get out_!"

Aunt Lucille's shrill voice rang out from the sitting room, jerking me from my sleep. I'd expected it to be light out, but still the sun was down. I yawned and looked at the clock Uncle Cosmo had let me borrow.

A few minutes past midnight. What could she possibly be yelling about at this time of night? I pulled my robe off of a nearby coat rack and wrapped it around myself as I opened my bedroom door.

"What's going on?" I asked sleepily, squinting as I was suddenly surrounded by the sitting room's bright lights. "Why all the yelling?"

Aunt Lucille and Uncle Cosmo were both in their night things, cups of tea in their hands and a small kettle laying nearby.

"We were enjoying a some tea before this, this _mongrel_ came bursting in!" Aunt Lucille said, pointing to a young steward who was standing at the door. He blushed and looked away from me, straightening his uniform.

"Now, now Lucy," Uncle Cosmo said, patting her arm, "I'm sure this gentleman has an exceptional reason to bother us at this late hour."

He looked at him expectantly, lightly tapping his finger against the side of his teacup. The steward, unsure of what to do, looked from me to Uncle Cosmo until he piped up.

"Sir, I'm afraid you've got to report up on deck. Lifebelts on."

"Why? What's happened?" I asked, suddenly awake. I shut my bedroom door with the heel of my foot and crossed my arms, waiting for an answer.

"Nothing much," he said, something odd in his expression. "We've just thrown a propeller blade. The captain wants to make sure it's nothing too serious."

He disappeared into the W.C. for a moment before emerging with three lifebelts, offering one to each of us. "If you would put these on, please," he said, shoving one under my nose.

I scowled and took it, slipping it over my head, tying the straps on the side together. Uncle Cosmo helped Aunt Lucille into hers, but when he was offered one, he refused.

"Not for me, thank you," he said cheerfully. "I won't wear one until I'm sure all the women and children aboard have one as well."

"Uncle," I said, taking his hand, "That's very _gallant_ of you, but you must take one. Even if it _is_ only a precaution."

He waved my hand away. "Nonsense, I refuse to take one."

A few moments followed before the steward threw it on the nearby chair. "It's cold out tonight," he said. "Dress warmly!"

With that, he hurried out the door, leaving Aunt Lucille, Uncle Cosmo, and I quite confused. I turned to my aunt and uncle, who were both still staring at the closed door. I shook my head and quickly slipped my lifebelt off, running into my room, grabbing Mr. Murdoch's coat, slipping it over my nightgown. I reached into my drawer and pulled out the letter to Father. I'm sure all of this was nothing, just as the steward had said, but I thought better of leaving my things behind.

"Mary?" I heard Uncle Cosmo call.

I quickly clutched my throat, making sure Jacque's locket was still there. I felt the tiny chain underneath my fingers and let out a sigh of relief.

"Coming," I said, putting on my lifebelt once more. I quickly fixed my hair back into its braid before strolling into the sitting room, where Aunt Lucille had a heavy fur coat on and was busy fidgeting with the straps on her lifebelt. Uncle Cosmo had a warm coat on as well, but not nearly as heavy as mine or Aunt Lucille's.

"Do you really want to go out on deck in the bitter cold," my aunt asked, frowning. "In the middle of the night? Just because we might've thrown a propeller blade?"

Uncle Cosmo looked from her to me, as if trying to decide whose opinion mattered more here.

"Aunt," I said, a strained edge to me voice, "Please, you never know what the problem could be-"

Uncle Cosmo cut me off with a wave of his hand. "Mary, you go ahead. Lucy and I will join you once we get a quick message out to your father." His eyes were fixed on me intently, as if there would be no more discussion of the matter. His eyes were tired and I could see worry lines creasing his forehead as he began to pace beside my stubborn aunt. I never realized how much of a compromiser he really was, but he was quite brilliant, even if he was blissfully unaware of situations at times.

I bit my lip and nodded, knowing that they'd be safe if they decided to head down to the "communicator's headquarters" as Mr. Ismay had joked. They'd be able to learn what was going on if they were sending out CQDs.

"If it's nothing serious, I'll be back to tell you," I said, giving both of them a quick hug before running out the door.

I flew past confused passengers, standing in their doorways, questioning stewards and hollering at the other servants as they began to come in and out of their rooms. Mr. Ismay was at the end of our hallway, strolling about, handing lifebelts to those who did not yet have one on. As I rounded a corner, I nearly ran into two officers. Quite unusual from the four days I'd been aboard _Titanic_.

I began to head on deck, when I heard music coming from the first class dining room. As I peered over the Grand Staircase's railing, I couldn't help but laugh.

First class passengers were standing in their nightclothes and outfits from dinner, wandering around in confusion, drinking champagne and wine as stewards bustled about them, giving orders to anyone who would listen. Quickly running down the stairs, I nearly ran into a stewardess who was holding a cup of tea in her hands, offering it to Madeleine Astor. Her husband was standing nearby, twirling a silver dollar in his hand, smiling as he graciously accepted a lifebelt for his young wife. As I glanced around them, I saw Ms. Brown pass me with a group of young men, hollering for someone to tell her what the hell was going on. I saw several more passengers sitting at the bottom of the Grand Staircase, looking about in utter confusion. To these people, it was as if it was a game.

It wasn't until Mr. Andrews emerged from the back of the room and began to flee up the stairs, did a girl with fiery red hair catch my eye.

"Mr. Andrews," Rose said, grabbing his arm as he began to pass me. "I saw the iceberg, and I see it in your eyes. Please tell me the truth."

My eyes widened. What did she mean? An iceberg?

Mr. Andrews looked around him, glancing back at her, before ushering her to the side. In no time, Mr. Hockley was beside her as well. Despite how much I loathed that man, I edged closer, listening in for Aunt Lucille and Uncle Cosmo's sake.

"The ship will sink," Mr. Andrews said in a low voice, almost too calm for what he had just said to them.

Rose's mouth parted slightly, and she brought a hand to her mouth. I could see panic flick across her eyes, but she swallowed hard and I saw it disappear.

"F-for certain?" she asked, Mr. Hockley moving even closer to the two of them.

Mr. Andrews slowly shut his eyes, nodding. "In an hour or so, all of this will be at the bottom of the Atlantic." He paused and took a long breath. "Please, don't tell too many people. I don't want to be responsible for a panic."

He stopped and glared at Mr. Hockley, then back to Rose, tears in his eyes.

"Get to a lifeboat as quick as you can," he continued, looking around once more. "You remember what I told you about the boats, don't you?"

I closed my eyes. Of course, there weren't enough boats. Not enough for half. All the people that would die, all the children. Husbands, wives, families…

I thought of John.

All the fiancés that would be lost.

Rose nodded solemnly as I opened my eyes, drawing my attention back to her. "I-I understand," she said shakily.

Mr. Andrews nodded and turned back around, continuing to race up the stairs.

"What is it?" Mr. Hockley asked her. "What's going on?"

I turned away. I couldn't bear to hear anymore.

So the _Titanic_ had hit an iceberg and was to sink anytime tonight, with only enough lifeboats for less than half of the people aboard.

I shut my eyes. _God, I might die tonight_.

I fled past Rose and Mr. Hockley, pushing past men and women, ignoring their rude comments. Where were John, Joseph, Jacque? Where was anyone?

I could feel myself beginning to panic. My heart led my footsteps, guiding me as I raced among the hundreds of passengers, until I felt a pair of familiar pair of arms wrapped themselves around me.

"Mary," John said, wiping my tears away. "What is it? What's wrong?"

I felt myself shaking, my stomach heaving. I swayed to the side and John wrapped a hand around my waist and steadied me.

"The- the ship," I spat out, bringing a hand to my forehead. "John, the ship! We're in danger, terrible danger!"

"Mary," he said, lifting my chin so I could look into his eyes, "Mary, listen to me. It's just a precaution. The iceberg was nothing, we just brushed past it. I felt it; it was just a light scrape-"

"You're wrong, John," I said, pulling his hands off me. "I heard Mr. Andrews himself. The ship is going to sink, in an hour. We need to get on deck, to the boats…"

My voice shook and I closed my eyes. "Where's your father? And Jacque and Joseph?"

He looked around us, the realization of what I'd just said sinking in. "In our rooms, waiting for me to come back and tell them the news."

He tried to take my hand, but I kept it balled into a fist by my side.

"Your aunt and uncle?"

"Heading down to send a message to Father," I replied, wiping fresh tears from my cheeks. "Waiting for me to tell them if it's anything serious as well."

We both stood in silence, thinking of what to do.

"We need to warn them," we said together after a moment. I sighed and shut my eyes once more, trying to think.

"Aunt Lucille and Uncle Cosmo are going to find out soon enough when they head down and discover CQDs are being sent out," I said, shaking my head. "No need to worry about them. They're two of the richest people aboard _Titanic_, they'll find themselves a lifeboat."

John grabbed my hand, slipping his fingers in between my firm grip. "Let's go warn my family, I'm not leaving you here on your own."

I ripped my hand away, suddenly angry. "For God's sake John, I can take care of myself-"

I stopped as I caught sight of Mr. Hockley looking at me from the other side of the room. He gave me a small smile behind Rose's back, and I turned back to my fiancé, putting my hand back in his.

"Never mind," I muttered. "Let's go."

We took the elevators back to B-deck, yelling at the operator to hurry up before tumbling out and rushing to John's room. I glanced at John, before he roughly opened the door and pushed me into their sitting room.

"Mary?" Joseph said as John shut the door behind us. "John, what's going on? What's happened?"

Jacque and her father emerged from their rooms, both still in their nightclothes. John and Joseph were both still in their tuxedoes from supper. I guessed they'd both just gotten back from the smoking lounge before all this mess had occurred.

Mr. Lefrod glanced from John to me, waiting for an explanation as well.

We quickly explained what had happened before Jacque's eyes widened, obviously thinking of Andrew down in G-deck. Not only that, but Joseph glanced from Jacque, to John, then to me, panic in his eyes like mine had before.

"_Titanic_ can't sink," Mr. Lefrod said bluntly, lighting a cigarette. "This ship can stay afloat with four bloody compartments flooded! An iceberg couldn't of created anything bigger than a small hole!"

"Mr. Andrews said it himself," I pleaded, desperate to stop negotiating and get up on deck. "Erik, please. You have no idea of the danger we're in. For all you know-"

"That's enough Miss Josely!" Mr. Lefrod snapped, putting out his cigarette on the mantle of the fireplace. "Daughter-in-law or not, you will respect me. My family stays here, end of discussion."

For the first time since I'd know her, I heard Jacque clear her throat and speak out against her father.

"I'm going with Mary," she said calmly, linking arms with me. "She's never lied to me before and I doubt she's doing it now."

I felt Joseph take my hand as well.

"I'm going too, Father. I'm not letting Jacque and Mary go alone."

John glanced from his father to the three of us, unsure of which side to pick.

"John," I said softly, "Please."

Mr. Lefrod was grinding his teeth by now, seething through his teeth. "If your mother was here," he said in a low growl, his hands balling into fists.

"Well she's not!" Joseph cried. "She left us, remember? Because of _you_!"

John and Jacque stared wide eyed at their brother, their mouths slightly open. I glanced at their faces, bewildered. I'd known that their parents were divorced, but I never imagined she'd…

What did he mean "because of him?"

"Shut up!" Mr. Lefrod roared, beginning to move toward Joseph. "You are one lucky son of a bitch I won't kick you out of this family!"

He moved closer, ready to strike. Jacque let out a shriek, throwing herself in front of her older brother, but not before John pushed her out the door along with Joseph and me. We all stumbled into the hallway, slightly confused about what had just happened. John covered my head as a vase was thrown against the wall above our heads, sending a shower of glass raining down on us, followed by Mr. Lefrod's screaming voice.

"Andrew," Jacque said softly, backing away from us. "I don't care about Father, I need Andrew…"

"Jacque, there's no time!" I cried, taking her hand. "The boats will be filled soon if we wait any longer!"

But she was shaking her head. "I'm not leaving him behind Mary. I love him."

Her words caught me by surprise and I brought a hand to the locket around my neck. I could still so vividly remember when she and I had first met, her fifteen and I seventeen. So young, so carefree. She talked about anything and everything. The way she looked at her family with such love in her eyes, the way she admired her older brothers, the way she loved me as a sister, a best friend, for being me. Back then, she was no more than a girl, with no worries and undiscovered ideals. But now, as I looked into her deep blue eyes, I saw she was no more a girl, but a woman. A woman with love, a voice, a passion. A woman ready to stand up for what she believed in.

"Alright," I said softly, smiling slightly, ignoring John's sharp intake of breath behind me. "Let's go. I'm not leaving you behind either."

She smiled and took my hand. "Hurry," she said, the smile slowly fading away as she began to realize the seriousness of the situation.

"You coming?" I asked to John and Joseph, beginning to spring down the hallway with Jacque.

The twins glanced at each other, but up their minds quickly and followed after us.

The elevators had been closed in the short amount of time we'd spent in the Lefrod's room, so we were forced to take the stairs all the way down to G-deck. We were all quite tense, listening for any sound of water, but there was none, so we continued down in silence.

"Do you even know his room number?" John asked, taking off his bowtie as we emerged into the third class hallways. People were running every which way, more panic stricken than those up in first class. Instead of asking questions however, I followed Jacque who was dashing down another hallway until we reached a small, white door.

"G-16," she said, reading the number painted beside it. "This is it."

She knocked fiercely, a wild look in her eyes.

"You've been down to his room before?" Joseph asked, a suspicious look in his eyes.

Jacque blushed as she knocked again. "Yes, but it was only to introduce me to his friends, mind you."

I smiled in doubt, but it faded as she began to mercilessly pound on the door.

"Andrew!" she called, "It's Jacque, open up!"

There was no answer, and she sighed and opened the door, peering inside.

It was empty, the white bunks inside abandoned, dressers and chests open as if someone had been packing in a hurry.

"He's probably heading up to deck," Joseph said, reassuring her. "We'll find him up there."

Jacque and I were about to answer, when a deep voice called, "Jacque, oi!"

The four of us turned to a well-built man with a small rug sack running toward us. He had curly reddish blonde hair and green eyes, with a stubble around his cheeks and neck. His eyes had dark circles under them, as if he'd woken up from a deep sleep only a few minutes ago. He glanced at my future sister-in-law before swallowing hard.

"Tommy," Jacque said, relief in her voice, "Do you know where Andrew is?"

"Andrew Conham?" he asked, rubbing his chin. "He's probably down by the gates, trying to get up on deck."

"The gates?" John, Joseph, and I asked together, all of us giving him a puzzled look.

Jacque bit her lip and brought a hand to her cheek, fear in her eyes.

"They're all around the steerage hallways, separating us 'common folk' from people like you," the man said, holding out his hand. "Tommy Ryan."

Joseph and John shook hands with him and I rolled my eyes at their manners. As of now, it didn't really matter.

"Where are the gates?" I asked Tommy, taking Jacque's hand.

He glanced at all of us, amused by our lack of knowledge about steerage. After a moment's silence, he took Jacque's other hand, jerking her away from me.

"This way," he said, throwing his bag to the side.

"Aren't you taking your things?" Joseph asked as we ran down the hallway, dodging between crowds of people. A young man bumped into my shoulder and I saw John give him a dirty look.

"What's the point?" Tommy said, rounding a corner. "There's already water crawling up G-deck."

I whipped around and shot John a look. "I _told_ you."

We came to a large crowd near the end of the hallway. Up the stairs leading to F-deck were men and women, throwing themselves against a large black gate, the one I guessed Tommy was referring to earlier.

"Do you want to kill us?" a man in front of us screamed. The people around us were trying to push toward the front, where the stewards behind the gate were trying to hold everyone back,

"Andrew's here?" Jacque asked, searching Tommy's eyes. "Are you sure?"

Tommy bit his lip and got out of the way of a pregnant woman who began pushing through the crowd of people. John held me close as everyone began to shove, and I heard himgrunt as he was elbowed in the back.

"Get us out of here," Joseph said, grabbing the back of my coat as the crowd began to close in.

"But Andrew-" Jacque began, searching the faces around us, but Tommy was already leading her away, John, Joseph, and I following close behind.

"Stop!" someone said above the commotion around us. "Jacque, Mary, wait!"

A familiar mop of red hair was running toward us. Jacque and I turned around, pushing John and Joseph out of the way to get a better look. In a matter of minutes, Andrew had broke through the sea of people and swept Jacque into his arms, kissing her fiercely.

"I'm going to help these people," Tommy said, gritting his teeth. "Don't worry, you all go ahead. I can take care of myself."

Andrew set Jacque on her feet, shaking his hand with pain in his eyes. John and Joseph did the same, about to say something, when he was sucked into the crowd and disappeared.

"Which way did we come?" I asked Jacque. "There were no gates blocking our path that way."

She glanced from me to Andrew, until she took his hand and led us in the direction opposite of where most of the crowd was running from.

"I don't think we can get back the way we came," she said, getting out of the way of a passing man. "But there are several 'crew only' passageways down here that I used to see Andrew."

Joseph and I glanced at each other, about ready to turn around and fight our way through the gates instead of taking our chances down unfamiliar hallways. However, Jacque stopped abruptly, opening a small door and motioning for us to follow her.

We all walked down a narrow hallway, keeping a sharp lookout for any stewards that might be coming our way.

"Stop!" I said, pointing.

At the end of the hallway water was slowly creeping up the hard, red carpet toward us, the gurgling, green sea water making us realize the danger we were all about to face sooner or later. Joseph immediately got in front of me, slowly following Jacque who was heading straight toward what I knew would be bad news for all of us.

"Are you crazy, Jacque?" John said as she stepped into the murky, green water. "The further we walk, the deeper the water will get. I'm not putting us in this kind of danger."

She spun around, her robe and nightgown wet with seawater. She gave John a dirty look and pointed at a door near where the water was deepest.

"That's the way out," she said, full confidence in her voice. "It's just stairs behind it, leading up to the first class dining room."

Andrew nodded. "She's right."

I glanced at John, who was still reluctant to move on. With a deep breath, he brushed past Andrew, Joseph, and me and began to follow her. I was about to step into the water myself when I felt a pair of hands go under my waist and knees and lift me into the air.

"Jo!" I said, clinging onto his neck. "I'm fine, trust me! I can handle it, put me down!"

He stubbornly shook his head. "Not a chance. You've got a thin nightgown and an officer's jacket on; that water will freeze you to death."

I rolled my eyes but didn't fight with him anymore, figuring he was right. Following Joseph's lead, Andrew made to pick up Jacque as well, but she shoved him off, rejecting his offer with a passionate kiss.

John was frowning, but let us pass him. Jacque and Andrew kept moving forward, the water eventually at Jacque's thighs. I felt the skirt of my nightgown being dragged in the cold water as well, and even though he tried not to show it, you could tell it was terribly cold for the way he was locking his jaw.

Andrew ripped open the door, nearly tearing it off its hinges. He picked Jacque up and set her on a set of stairs that were dry. Ushering us inside, he held the door open against the swift current that was trying to shut it, and refused to go in until John, Joseph, and I were all safely crammed in the stairwell along with Jacque.

Joseph set me down, his teeth chattering.

"God," he laughed shakily, trying to hide it, seeing the bottom of my wet nightgown. "Lovely night for a swim."

"Thank you," I said softly, rubbing his arms as we felt the ship lurch under us.

We stumbled up the stairs, a little unsteady on our feet for some reason. Jacque suddenly yelped as a soft groan from _Titanic_ echoed around the stairwell. I shot Joseph a terrified look, and he put a hand on my shoulder, steadying me.

"Did you feel that?" John asked a bit too loudly.

"What?" Andrew said, letting me dash in front of him as we rounded the corner, revealing more stairs.

I suddenly lost my balance, my shoulder and wrist hitting the railing. I let out a yelp of pain and held my hand to my chest, the gauze slightly out of place.

"That," John said, stopping and making sure I was alright. "The ship's tilting forward."

As I took a step up, still clenching my teeth as pain shot up my arm, I realized he was right. The ship was at a slight angle, and it was tipping the stairs. I noticed how everyone was stumbling forward because of that, our poor toes slamming into the edges of the stairs as we made uneasy steps.

The pain in my wrist slowly faded away and John grabbed my other hand, helping me keep moving.

"How much further?" Joseph asked, watching the skirt of Jacque's nightgown disappear around the corner, leading up to yet another flight of stairs.

"We're just past C-deck," we heard her voice echo as we rounded the corner as well. "I only know a way out on B-deck, behind the elevators."

When we got to where Jacque was, she was cursing under her breath, jiggling the doorknob of a large and heavy door.

"Damn it!" she cried, throwing herself against it. "Why did they lock the damn doors at a time like this?!"

She turned toward us, a curious expression on her face. "John, Jo, Andrew… do you think you can break it down?"

The three men looked at each other.

"Break it down?" John asked. "We'll get into trouble with the master-at-arms."

I sighed and grabbed the collar of his shirt, bringing his face inches from mine.

"The ship is sinking," I growled, letting go. "It's either this or go back to the gates, which as far as I know, isn't an option."

He shrugged my hands off of him and glanced at Joseph, who nodded and lightly pushed me out of the way.

"I'll help," I said, making my way to the door.

"Not so fast," Jacque said, holding me back. "I'm not letting you hurt yourself again. Stay out of this one, will you?"

She winked, and she braced herself in front of the door along with Joseph, John, and Andrew. We heard people talking from the other side, and for a heart stopping moment, we heard the sound of water rising beneath us.

"On three," Andrew said, his voice low. "One, two, _three_."

They all ran forward and hit the door with their shoulders, a loud crack echoing down the stairwell. When they backed away, the door was slightly bent in the middle, a large crack running through it. Joseph kicked at it with his foot until it gave way, revealing the first class kitchens. Luck must've been on our side, because no one was there to see our grand entrance. We moved along the many counters and stoves until we emerged from a small door into the dining room.

"Where are we?" Andrew asked, looking around with wide eyes. "I thought we were supposed to enter the first class dining room."

John laughed and clapped him on the shoulder. "Welcome to first class, mate."

I smiled too, but frowned when I glanced at the area near the Grand Staircase. It was completely abandoned. We could hear everyone had been sent outside, where we could hear a few reluctantly getting into some lifeboats.

"How can they not be panicking?" I asked, running up the mahogany stairs and peering out onto A-deck. My breath fogged up the glass and I rubbed it away with my arm, taking off Mr. Murdoch's coat and shoving my things into the pockets of my lighter coat I'd brought with me.

"What are you doing?" Jacque asked as she approached with everyone else, eyes brimming with concern as I draped it over the cherub statue near the clock.

I smiled softly and backed up, admiring the way it looked on the cherub's shoulders.

"Saving it for some other poor soul, I guess. I don't need it."

Joseph shut his eyes for a moment, almost as if in a trance.

"I'm going to go check out what's going on," he said, heading over to the door leading out to deck. "It might not be as serious as we think it is."

I opened my mouth to argue, but he glared at me, making me fall silent.

"Just let me do it," he said softly. "You never know."

The way he was looking at me, it was… a way no one had looked at me fore. Not the way Jacque smiled at me as a friend, or the way John glanced at me like we had already been married for some time. It was harder, sweeter, overpowering, and indescribable. His eyes seem to burn a hole right through me, but I stared back, not daring let anyone take my eyes off him.

With one final sigh, he dashed outside, and John, Andrew, Jacque, and I were left alone. I pressed my face against the window, trying to catch sight of him as he ran around the corner, but it was no use. There were too many people and it was too big of a ship. I could feel Jacque rummaging through her pockets beside me, trying not to think of what was in store for us tonight. Andrew had taken her hand, stroking it and trying to hide the fear in his eyes that was so obviously visible. John stood a few feet away from us, pacing back and forth, glancing from me to the door, trying to decide what to do.

We'd been standing there for only a few minutes, before we heard a gunshot from outside. Shrieking, Jacque clung to Andrew's coat and buried her face into his chest, face pale-white. I brought a hand to my cheek and closed my eyes, trying not to think of what was going on out there. But as soon as it died down, I opened my eyes to see Joseph run back to us, his clothes slightly out of place and his hair messed up.

"It's women and children first," he said, his voice catching in his throat. "Jacque and Mary will have to go alone."

Andrew and Jacque glanced at each other, Andrew wrapping his arms even tighter around her. John and Joseph were staring at me as though I'd already been lost to them.

I fought back my tears and clutched the window sill for support, feeling the heat rush to my face. I wasn't going alone. Not without them.

"Mary," Joseph said softly, drawing close so no one else would hear. "Please, you have to go… with Jacque. Don't do it for us, do it for her. Protect her. She needs you."

I glanced from Jacque to John. How could he expect me to just abandon them like that? Without a goodbye? Without knowing if I'd ever see them again?

"I can't," I said, turning back to him. "I can't, Jo. I just can't. Not unless you and John come with me."

Jacque piped up. "I'm not going without Andrew."

Andrew pinched her arm and she scowled, kicking him with the heel of her shoe.

"You're going," John said, taking my arm, "Even if we have to drag you on."

I ignored him and searched Joseph's eyes. "My aunt and uncle?"

He looked away, his eyes dimming. "They're on a boat together already at sea.

He paused and looked at his shoes.

"With ten other people."

Jacque and I looked at each other, shock in our eyes.

"Twelve?"

"The boats are meant for at least sixty people!" John roared. "Mr. Andrews told me himself when we took that tour!"

"How did they get a boat together if it's only women and children?" Andrew asked, stepping away from Jacque and taking her hand.

John tried to answer, but I cut him off. "Aunt Lucille and Uncle Cosmo have a lot of money. They have a lot of influence, and were probably one of the first people to board a boat…"

My voice trailed off and I shook my head, not able to continue.

"I'm not leaving without you," I said, swallowing hard. "Any of you."

"Mary," John pleaded, grabbing my arm. "Please get on. We can't be in any real danger, a ship will get here before she sinks-"

"Would you stop being so _gallant_?!" I shrieked, throwing myself at him and pounding my fists on his chest, not able to stop myself. "I'm so sick of you trying to be this _gentlemen_ all the time! Grow up! _Grow up_!"

He grabbed my elbows and ignored my punches, looking deeply into my eyes.

"Get on a boat, Mary," he said, his voice shaking.

I locked my jaw and tried to rip myself from him, but he held his grip even tighter and pressed us together until we were chest to chest, faces inches from one another.

And John Lefrod kissed me.

It wasn't the kiss of all kisses. There were no fireworks, nothing that clicked. It wasn't like the fairy tales and romances I'd read where whenever the heroin was kissed, all was well and good came again. No. Because I knew that deep underneath our feet, water was creeping its way to the surface. And we were going to get married, even though I did not love him in the way that everyone thought I did. I knew we might die tonight, before we even got a chance to live. Jacque would have to part from Andrew if we made it through this and would become Mrs. Christopher Johnson. Joseph would still hurt because of Kathryn's death… and I'd be trapped. Because John loved me and I did not love him. I could feel his soft lips against mine and his hand tangling through my hair while his other held onto my waist for dear life, as if I was the only thing he had left. He was gentle, sweet, caring, hurt, shy, and angry. I loathed him, hated him, cared for him. But if this proved nothing of him to me, what would?

At last, he ripped himself away from me, something new in his blue eyes. Jacque, Andrew, and Joseph were all watching me, waiting for my reaction. I wasn't flattered in the least bit, in fact, I was rather embarrassed. The sudden move was sweet, but why in front of all these people? Small smiles were on Jacque and Andrew's lips, but Joseph looked absolutely disgusted with John. His jaw was locked and his teeth grinding together, his eyes filling with tears.

"I'm still not getting on the boat," I said at last, breaking the silence. "No matter how romantic you try to make this."

John rolled his eyes. "I'm not arguing anymore. It's not a matter of discussion. _That_ was a kiss goodbye. I'm putting you on by force."  
My eyes widened as he came near me once more.

"John," I said shakily as he roughly grabbed my arm. "John, don't!"

Jacque ran forward and grabbed my other arm, yanking me from him.

"Stop it," she said bitterly. "It doesn't have to be like this. If Cosmo and Lucy were able to get a boat together, then you, Jo, and Andrew will be able to as well."

Joseph came over and put a hand on her shoulder. "She's right you know."

John shot his brother a dirty look. His stare was as cold as ice, but as I put my hand in his, it softened. He glanced back down at me and squeezed it in response as a woman screamed outside.

"It'll be better if we split up," he said, letting go. "I'm going with Jacque and Andrew. You'll go with Jo, he knows B-deck better than I do."

I stared wide-eyed at him, shocked by the suggestion he'd just made.

"Now you want me to leave you three behind?" I said, backing away from him. "How will I live with myself if something happens to you?"

Jacque gently placed a hand on my shoulder. "Nothing will happen, Mary. Andrew and I know these decks like the back of our hand, and John and I have first class influence. How do you think we'll be able to get all five of us together on one boat?"

She sighed and hugged me.

"See you soon," she whispered in my ear.

I was trying to stop the uncontrollable flood of tears that was beginning to come as she stepped back and looked into my eyes.

"Be strong," she said, her voice shaking. "For me, and for John. You're a survivor now, Mary. Fight for your life."

With a watery smile, she took Andrew's hand, and John followed behind them as they exited to A-deck. Before they did however, she looked over her shoulder and blinked away her tears.

"And remember who you are."


	8. Survivor

**"Is there anybody out there who is lost and hurt and lonely too? Are they bleeding all your colors into one? And you come undone as if you've been run through. Some catapult, it fired you. You wonder if your chance will ever come. And you're back to square one."**

**-"Square One" by Coldplay**

* * *

As soon as the three of them were out of sight, Joseph took my hand and we ran to the other side of the dining room, looking for a way out. He opened a door that led outside, toward the bow. We tried to make our exit as quick and quiet as possible, but were swept into a crowd of people in our escape.

"Hold tightly to my hand," he grunted, trying to push by a panicking man. "And don't let go." He pulled me through a maze of people, his rough palm touching mine. Even in this cold, night air, I felt my face growing warm. If I could only weave my fingers in his…

"Miss Josely! _Miss Josely_!"

Jo and I whipped around, being pushed together by the mob of people around us, stampeding toward the stern. He finally wrapped his arm around my waist as Mr. Murdoch appeared from behind an expectant mother from third class. As he saw my thin coat, he frowned slightly. But as he looked toward the stern, where churning green sea water was spilling over the edge, it disappeared.

"Where are the boats?" I begged, wrapping my other arm around Joseph's waist as well as the crowd began to draw closer. "Can my friend here get on with me?"

Mr. Murdoch glanced at Joseph, before his eyes dimmed and he shook his head. "It's women and children only, Miss Josely. You should get on one yourself while they're still here."

He stared at Jo again, a strange expression on his face.

"For your fiancé I could say less…"

Joseph and I looked at each other, before breaking away from each other and bringing our arms to our sides once more.

"Oh, he's not-" I stammered, blushing.

"I'm his twin brother," he admitted, glancing at me.

Mr. Murdoch nodded, but looked at the boats that were being filled once more. "It's more dangerous down near the stern, but the boats will most likely be empty. More people are taking the ones near the stern. There's no chance of you ending up on a boat together if you do the same."

I took Joseph's hand. "Thank you."

"Stay safe Miss Josely!" he called after us as we began to head the opposite direction of the crowd. We climbed down the stairs leading to second class until we neared the stern, where officers and passengers were running about in confusion.

"Boats down here?" I asked, glancing at the empty deck around us. "Was he kidding? There's nothing-"

"Mary," Joseph said. "We're not going to make it on a boat together."

I drew my eyebrows together, furious yet again. "Of course we will, Jo. You heard what I said; I'm not going without you."

He put a finger to my lips, silencing me.

"We can't. Mary, we're going to go back up to A-deck. I'm putting you on a boat and that'll be it."

Tears began to stream down my cheeks. "No Joseph, no. Not like that. I'm not just going to walk away and leave you by yourself. You need me. Joseph… Joseph, I need _you_."

I took his other hand and looked into his eyes, the ones that were so much like John's.

"You can't always make it on your own."

By now we were both crying. He kept trying to hide his tears, but they betrayed him as one rolled down his cheek and landed on our entwined hands. I hugged him, burying my face in his chest, my tears staining his shirt. I breathed his scent in, not wanting to let him go. He wrapped his arms around me as well, and we stood there together as everything around us was sinking.

"I love you," he said softly, closing his eyes. "Since Kathryn's death and the time we first met, I was so afraid to admit falling in love so quickly again. You were always there, a shoulder to cry on whenever Father gave me a hard time, to loving me even though I didn't always deserve it-"

He tilted my chin up to look at him.

"I didn't want to say it in front of John. He knows how I feel about you, and that's why he left you to go with me. But damn it Mary, I may lose you tonight. I may lose you and I don't want that to happen…"

And the realization hit me.

He was going to lose a second love.

The pain was obvious in my eyes, and I pulled myself away from him to look into his.

"Jo," I said, the tears coming harder than ever. "Joseph, I love y-"

A roar from the stern made both of us let go of each other and whip around.

Water was spilling over the side of the ship, coming our way in a giant wave. Joseph turned back to me and grabbed my hand, trying to kiss me before it came, but he was too late.

"Hold on to me!" I screamed, wrapping my arms around his coat for dear life. "And swim to the boats!"

At the last second, he wrapped his arms around me as well as the icy water engulfed us in one, giant wave. The water was like a slap in the face and it felt like my whole body has just been put in a pit of fire. It took the breath from my lungs as it turned us to the side, and I felt the air leaving me more and more.

Gasping for air, the water tossed us here and there until we felt ourselves being pulled over the edge of _Titanic_ and into the Atlantic.

"Mary!" Joseph screamed, his grip loosening on my waist as the current began to pull us underwater. I tried to hold onto him with all of my strength, my nails biting into the skin of my arms, blood rising from the new wounds, but I was so cold I didn't feel a thing except for the obvious pain in my wrist.

"Don't let g-" I said, being cut off by being pulled underwater.

Thank God for my lifebelt. It kept the current from dragging me down any farther, but Joseph… he didn't have one, and I could feel him struggling.

I felt his grip loosen even more, until his arms were ripped from me. I screamed underwater, bubbles erupting from my mouth, blocking my view. No one could hear me, Joseph couldn't even hear me. Dark shadows were everywhere, and I could barely make out _Titanic_ in this cold night. My lifebelt pulled me back to the surface, and as soon as I was able to catch my breath I began to swim and look around. In the freezing water, I felt my body going numb and began searching for Joseph. My tears mixed with the water running down my face, and my voice mixed in with the thousands of others ringing out from the ship a couple hundred feet away.

"Joseph-"

My voice cracked.

"Joseph, please!"

Bobbing in the water, I looked up at the stars so high up above. Rockets from the ship made them fade away for a moment, before the reappeared and I felt myself begin to shake, fighting the cold.

"God," I whispered, sobs now escaping me, "I beg you…"

My voice was cut off by a chill running up my spine. The iciness of the water was beginning to set in, and I felt exhaustion taking over.

Screams from the _Titanic_ echoed in my ears and I looked at the people running up and down the decks. How lucky they were to be warm… dry… I felt like I no longer knew what it meant to be those things. How this water had made me forget so quickly…

My eyes began to droop as I turned around, my hand limply reaching out for a boat. Every time I saw something far out in the ocean, I prayed it was _him_, but it was either a shadow or a deck chair from the ship. I couldn't swim back to _Titanic_, for the current had pushed me too far away. But out here on my own, there were no boats in sight.

"H-hel…lo…" I tried to shout, but my voice was no more than a raspy whisper. I began to dog paddle out even farther, praying for any sign of life.

"Hello?" I tried again, my voice a bit stronger this time. "Please… Joseph…"

My hands and feet were not cooperating anymore. It was as if they were having a bad connection with my brain. It was just too cold, even the pain in my wrist was gone. All at once, it frightened me, but yet sleep threatened to come.

My eyes began to close and I stopped swimming.

_I'll only sleep for a little bit, then I'll wake up and keep searching for him. Searching, hmm. Just sleep… sleep…_

In the icy water, I felt a hand grab my arm as sleep overthrew me at last.

It was… cold. So cold. I could feel my clothes sticking to me, ice on my eyelashes, my hair. My fingers were numb, my toes felt like they were about to fall off. My eyes felt like someone was holding them shut as well, and no matter how hard I tried to open them, they remained shut… so I began to listen…

The ocean, I could hear the water. It wasn't the calming crash of waves you heard at the shore; this was colder, softer… more silent. More haunting.

I could feel something solid underneath me, holding me above the water. For anyone else, they would've been thrilled to still be alive. But for me, no. This is not what I wanted. This is not how it was supposed to have ended. Alone in the Atlantic with no one to remember me, no one to say goodbye to. I was supposed to have fallen in love, started a family, done something great, run away before I died.

Not like this.

I felt my bottom lip begin to quiver. "Joseph," I whimpered, my voice coming out just above a whisper.

Hot tears were forming in my eyes, melting the eyes from my eyelashes. All I could hear was his voice, his laugh. If only I'd known, if only I'd recognized how I'd felt about him sooner… maybe we could've had more time together. Before this…

"Mary," a soft voice cracked. "Mary, please."

I slowly opened my eyes, the ice finally gone. The dark that surrounded where I was frightened me deeply and I quickly shut them again, too scared to see what could be out there if my sight adjusted to the dim light in the horizon. I felt something cold entwine itself in my numb fingers, and I opened my eyes once more, blinking away the tears.

"Joseph?" I asked, sniffing. The night was so dark I couldn't see the mysterious stranger before me. I knew it was a man, no doubt for the callused palms, but something about it gave the truth away before he could answer.

"No," the raspy voice said once more. "It's A-Andrew."

My heart sunk in my chest. The tears spilt over my cheeks and I bit my lip, trying to stop a sob.

"Mary, listen," he said, struggling to talk. "I-I don't kn-know where Jacque is. I lost her on the way d-d-down with the ship."

He paused, a catch in his voice.

"She wouldn't get on a boat. We tried, w-we tried…"

He squeezed my hand as if making sure it was still there. I shakily brought my hand from under me and clutched his with both of mine, silently crying.

"John?"

He shook his head. "He disappeared t-too."

His voice was growing fainter as he continued.

"Tell Jacque I love her," he whispered, clutching my hand so tight my fingers were beginning to turn purple. "Don't let her forget me, or who she is. Make her keep singing and playing the piano, don't let her stop…"

"You know about her singing?" I asked, letting him hear the pain in my voice.

His cold, hazel eyes looked into mine and he nodded. "Sh-she told me the day after we met. She showed me. She's very good…"

His eyes began rolling into his head and his breath was growing shorter.

"Oh God, no Andrew!" I cried, my voice cracking once more. "You can't leave her, she'll die as well! Slowly, more painfully…"

"No," he said, kissing my fingers. "She's strong, Mary. Stronger than anyone I know. She'll make it through. Just don't let her stop singing-"

He sighed and shut his eyes, his breath forming condensation in the cold air. His hand slipped from mine, and I felt it hit whatever I was lying on.

"Andrew," I whispered, "Andrew, stay awake."

He didn't respond. He was still, silent. I couldn't even hear his soft breathing anymore. Even though I couldn't see his face as my eyes tried to adjust to the light once more, I reached out and touched his frozen hand, the ice cutting my fingers.

"Andrew?" I asked, hoping, pleading for an answer. My hands were trembling, and I closed my eyes, listening for a breath, a single noise, but the ocean mocked me by splashing over the edge of what I was lying on and soaking the skirt of my nightgown once more.

"Andrew," my voice squeaked, "No, Jacque needs you! _I_ need you! Don't leave me here alone…"

His hand slowly began to slide out of mine.

"No," I gasped, pulling it to my lips. "No, don't slip away Andrew-"

The surface I was laying on which I now recognized as a pile of deck chairs being held together by a single string, was beginning to drift underwater even more as I clung to Andrew's dead weight.

Kissing him softly on the cheek, I pushed him out to sea, not bearing to watch him sink slowly into the ocean. I began to cry again, and flipping onto my back I began to scream into the night, pounding the deck chairs, pulling my hair. I was half hysterical, but who the hell would care? The night was silent, and the stars twinkled up above, mocking my misery. Andrew… I wouldn't be here without him. He could've saved his own life, but he chose mine.

Me? Why me? What had I to live for? An arranged marriage, having children, living a high class social life, never exploring the world, dying alone and miserable…

I smiled at the thought.

But I'm dying alone and miserable out here anyway.

Jacque would be devastated to hear of Andrew's death. She'd blame me for months. The whole Lefrod family would turn against me, including Joseph. This was all my fault, _all_-

"Come about!"

The screaming voice rang through my ears. Was I dreaming? Had I finally gone insane? Is this what death was like? Mocking your chance of survival before you finally gave in?

"Is there anyone out there?"

My heart began to pound as I recognized the heavy, Welsh accent.

"Mr. Lowe," I said, tears streaming down my cheeks, "Please, I'm here! I'm here!"

Andrew, Andrew, Andrew. My friend, my future brother-in-law, my saint, my angel. He was sent from God, destined to save me. I knew now that I wouldn't let myself get married to John, no matter how much I cared for him. I knew that if Joseph and I in some miracle married, that it would remind me of John every single day for the rest of my life. A painful burden, but one I was willing to carry for love. I'd help Jacque when she hears of Andrew's death, maybe helping her escape to Paris to sing. She'd find another love, one that wouldn't replace Andrew, but would maybe help heal the hole in her heart. Jo and I would leave first class and start a new life, one with more freedom and adventure, traveling across America, free to see the world, with Andrew's memory guiding me the whole way…

"Get blankets!" Mr. Lowe's shrill voice cried. "Hold on, Miss Josely! Just a little longer."

A shiver ran up my spine as I turned over to slowly sit on my knees. If I fell into the water now, at least I'd be saved.

A man in the boat grabbed my outstretched arms as soon as they were close enough, and it was the most wonderful feeling in the world. I was hoisted up from those damned deck chairs and laid on a small bench in the boat. Never had I been so comfortable in my life; no first class bed could compare to the bliss of lying on dry, solid wood.

"Blankets!" I heard a man say, "Hurry, damn it, blankets!"

I felt myself being wrapped in warm, scratchy quilts. Wool maybe, but I didn't care. It was dry and absolutely luxurious. My lifebelt couldn't fight the cold of the Atlantic, and I felt my teeth begin to chatter as someone ripped off my shoes.

"You alright, miss?" Mr. Lowe asked, his handsome face looming over mine. "We're going to take care of you now. The _Carpathia_ will be here soon…"

He caught sight of something silver dangling onto the coat of my nightgown.

The nametag from Mr. Murdoch's coat. It must've caught there as I took it off earlier that night.

Very slowly, he reached out and touched the silver tag, where "William Murdoch" was engraved in tiny lettering. It was as cold as ice and I saw him flinch as he touched it. A pained look shot through his eyes and I frowned, clenching my teeth together.

"I-is he-" I said, fighting another chill.

"-Dead," Mr. Lowe finished quite hastily. He looked ready to cry, and the sad expression he held reminded me of Joseph. "Shot himself after shooting some poor bloke."

He looked away, biting his lip. The men rowing the boat had stopped and were staring at him in surprise. One even brought a hand to his mouth, muffling the sob he was about to let out. Mr. Lower blinked, and realizing how still everyone was, drew his eyebrows together.

"Keep looking!" he shouted, bringing a fist down on the side of the lifeboat. "There are still people out there!"

Taking a lantern by my feet, he flipped it on and began to shine it on the dark waters. I felt sleep creeping up on me once more, and I closed my eyes, ready to sleep, ready to forget, ready to escape this nightmare if only for a moment. I wrapped the scratchy blankets tighter around myself and leaned back, resting my head on a jacket someone had bunched up to substitute for a pillow. My eyelids slowly closed and I let out a sigh of relief. If only Andrew had held on for just a moment longer…

"Miss Josely, no!" I heard Mr. Lowe cry. "Stay awake, don't fall asleep!"

My eyes snapped open and I found myself looking at him once more, this time his face just inches from mine. His hand was on my cheek, but I was so bloody cold that I couldn't feel it.

"I'm sorry, just don't fall asleep," he said, his eyes searching mine. "We can't lose you. You might not wake up."

"I'm so tired," I murmured, my eyes drooping.

"I know, I know," he answered, wrapping another blanket around me. "Stay awake for just a little longer. You can sleep once we're rescued."

I sighed, ready to cry. "Let me sleep," I begged, my head pounding. "It hurts, so much. Let me sleep, it'll make the pain go away…"

"No Miss Josely," he said. "Stay awake."

He glanced behind me and motioned to a young Asian man, one that was obviously a survivor as well.

"Li was found as well," he said as the man shuffled over, "He's trying to stay awake. He'll help you too."

I felt about ready to pass out from exhaustion, but the young man took my hand and sat down beside me. He muttered something I didn't understand, probably Chinese, but his words somehow soothed me and I was able to keep my eyes open.

For the next hour or so, I held Li's hand and watched Mr. Lowe and his crew pull three other people from the water. There was a young girl at the other side of the lifeboat who'd been pulled from the water before me. Her face was hidden from me, and the only thing I could see were a few frozen strands of red hair. As she rolled over I almost mistook her for- but no… it couldn't be. Rose's mother and Mr. Hockley would've made her board one of the first lifeboats to leave _Titanic_. In fact, I was almost positive I'd spotted her on one of the boats being lowered while Jacque, John, Andrew, and I had been waiting by the Grand Staircase for Joseph.

Andrew… Joseph…

I shut my eyes, trying to cry, but no more tears would come. It was as if I'd cried them away.

Li noticed my closed eyes and shook me, half-yelling in his strange language. I shook my head, letting him know I wasn't going to fall asleep. When I opened them again, I could see Mr. Lowe beginning to nod off as well as the sun broke over the horizon.

"A… ship…" Li said shakily in English

I slowly turned my head to the side, and in the distance was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. A ship, a gorgeous ocean liner. Smaller than _Titanic_, but the prettiest ship I'll ever see. All around us, there were small fires being lit in the other boats. Mr. Lowe's hand lit a flare and was waving it back and forth, yelling at the top of his lungs.

Li squeezed my hand and silent tears began streaming down his cheeks. We were _saved_.

"New York?" Li asked, his heavy accent standing out. He held a new hope in his eyes, a small smile on his lips. It almost made me scowl to see him like this. Had he lost anything out there? Was this all just another memory, nothing more?

I tried to fight sleep as it began to creep in once more. My whole body was shaking, waking up from the numb it'd felt all night.

If Joseph was gone, that was it. I would've lost everything. There would be nothing to life for. And if my aunt and uncle found me aboard _Carpathia_, there'd be no turning back. John would be my husband if he survived whether I liked it or not.

Li, the young redhead, the other survivors, and I were some of the first to be hoisted up onto the ship. Mr. Lowe personally escorted me to the _Carpathia_'s dining room, which the crew had transformed into a hospital until we reached New York.

"The doctors will take good care of you," he said, helping me into a small cot. "Li is just a few coats down if you need anyone to talk to. I have to go back up on deck and help the other survivors."

His words bit me. _Survivors_. Just what Jacque had called me before we parted.

I was a survivor now.

He fluffed a pillow and placed it behind my head.

"Nurses are taking names of those who survived. You'll be able to find friends and family in a little bit."

I shut my eyes, ignoring the last bit of what he said.

"Sleep?" I mumbled, trying to unfasten my lifebelt. Mr. Lowe saw me struggling and slipped it off over my head.

"Yes, sleep," he said, trying to take Mr. Murdoch's tag from me. I quickly wrapped my hands around it, feeling the pin poke into my chest. He gave up and threw a blanket over me, one much softer than the one of the lifeboat. He sighed at my stubbornness.

"Sleep well, Miss Josely," he said, beginning to walk away.

"Mary," I whispered dreamily, already half-asleep. He turned and I saw a small smile on his lips.

"Harold," he said back, taking off his hat. "Nice to meet you Mary."

I meant to smile, but my lips refused to cooperate. Maybe it was because they were too tired, but I knew it was because the thought of Joseph was keeping the smile from breaking out.


	9. Promises

**"My song is love. My song is love, unknown. But I'm on fire for you, clearly.  
You don't have to be alone.  
You don't have to be on your own."**

**-"A Message" by Coldplay**

* * *

"Fever? Headaches?"

I was woken from my sleep as a doctor and a group of nurses began buzzing around my coat. The doctor checked my pulse, listening to my heartbeat, examining my wrist, where the gauze had been torn off when I fell into the Atlantic. After writing a few notes, he asked me my names and smirked when I replied.

"Mary Josely," he said, biting the end of his pencil. "Are you the niece of Lucille and Cosmo Duff-Gordon?"

As a nurse wrapped some fresh gauze on my wrist, I nodded sleepily. "They're alive?"

He nodded as well. "They boarded just after your lot did."

I shut my eyes, ashamed of how selfishly my uncle had taken up space in a boat that could've been used for a child. Jacque could've been with them, as of Andrew, John, Joseph…

Oh, Joseph.

I didn't want to ask him about my Joseph. I didn't want to hear the news now, not like this. What could I do? Cry if he was dead? And I couldn't run to him if he was alive. Again, I was stuck. And now that Aunt Lucille and Uncle Cosmo would find out I had survived, I'd be thrown back to square one if John had survived as well.

A mug of hot chocolate was placed on the small table beside my cot. "Drink up," one of the nurses advised, stirring it with a small spoon. "You're very lucky miss. No broken bones, the hypothermia has gone away, it's just your wrist now."

She smiled softly and pressed the cup into my hands. "How on earth did you make it out with no more casualties?"

I glanced at the chocolate swirling in the mug. It wasn't steaming anymore, but I took a sip nonetheless.

"I had a guardian angel watching over me," I answered softly, tightly grabbing the corner of my sheets.

Her smile faded and she glanced away nervously. A moment's silence passed, but she cleared her throat as I drank the last of it.

"You'll need to stand up a moment," she said, throwing my sheets back. "We need to get you into some dry clothes."

My eyes widened and I glanced at my nightgown and Mr. Murdoch's tag. "You'll let me keep these, won't you?"

She cocked her head to the side, but nodded, confusion in her eyes. "Of course, dear. We won't take anything from you. A lady from first class on the _Carpathia_ has kindly donated her daughter's nightgown and dress for you to wear until we reach New York."

Quickly holding up a blanket for privacy, three of four nurses helped me out of the small cot and undressed me. A frilly, long nightgown was slipped over my head. I kept my eyes on Mr. Murdoch's nametag the whole time, still clinging to my old nightgown, making sure it didn't leave my sight. It was carefully placed by my empty mug of hot chocolate, and after the nurses handed me the plain, red dress I'd be wearing the next few days, I settled myself back into the coat, finally read for a long, undisturbed sleep. Before I could shut my eyes however, a doctor grabbed my arm, looking me straight in the eyes.

"I want you to get a good two days of rest in bed," he ordered. "No getting up except to bath or use the restroom, do you understand?"

I nodded shakily. "May I sleep now?"

Amused by my answer, he let go of my arm. "Yes, if you must."

A sighed and let out a long breath. "Finally."

A whole day must've passed, because by the time I opened my eyes, the sun was setting through the dining hall's windows. The sunbeams shone through the window pane, creating patterns on my now bunched up sheets and on the faces of other survivor's, one of them I recognized as Li's. He didn't have a coat, but was instead slumped up against a wall, his head nodding off every now and then. A young girl, one I recognized from first class, was sleeping soundly in the cot next to him. I could only guess he'd given up his cot for her.

As I yawned I couldn't help but notice dried up tears on my cheeks. Had I been crying in my sleep?

I turned my head slightly to the side, looking for maybe a glass of water left somewhere, but I froze as I stared upon an oh, so familiar face that was sitting beside me.

"Joseph?" I whispered, my heart beginning to pound in my chest. He was asleep, but at the sound of my voice, he was jolted awake. But as I looked him in the eyes, something was horribly wrong.

It was John, not Joseph. I couldn't tell them physically apart, but the way their eyes looked made it possible for me to tell who was who. But John's eyes were bloodshot and red, as if he'd been crying for days. As he looked at me, I knew what had happened without him even telling me.

"Where is he?" I asked, praying I was wrong, that I was so entirely, horribly wrong. All was silent in the dining room, for everyone was still asleep. But John shut his eyes and I saw fresh tears rolling down his face, one dripping off the end of his nose.

"Oh God," I said, half hysterical by now, bringing my hands to my mouth. "Oh God, John no-"

"He's gone, Mary," he said, burying his face in his hands and beginning to sob. "I saw him in the water as we boarded… Mary! Mary, he's gone! Damn it! _Damn it_!"

He was shouting by now, waking some of the others up. They shushed us, but I didn't notice.

My Joseph, my beloved Joseph. The one who'd been there when John had run away, the one who loved me, the one who carried such sadness in his eyes, the one who'd wrapped my wrist in gauze and cared for me… was gone.

Gone.

Forever.

I had no emotion, just shock. My whole body shook as I tried to comprehend what John had just told me. I bit my knuckles, drawing blood. At last, but a bit harder, I began to sob as well. The two of us were louder than the commotion in the dining room a few days before. Everyone tried to ignore us, but it was impossible. A couple of nurses tried to calm us down, but we both cursed them away. John brought his hand to my chin, and the two of us began crying louder. From the corner of my eye, I could see Li glancing from John to me. In his eyes, I think he understood why we were making such a commotion, and I'm grateful he didn't come over to try to comfort us.

John's tears were wetting the sleeves of my nightgown, as well as me wetting the hand-me-down suit he'd received since he'd been on board. We were in a tight embrace, and I feared if we held on any tighter, we might break each other's backs.

"Jacque?" I asked, a bit softer. I knew the answer, but it would only be easier if he said it.

His shoulders were shaking as he took his hand from my shoulder and looked deeply into my eyes. "She's gone too. We couldn't find a boat, and the current was so strong…"

His voice shook and he wiped away more tears. "My baby sister, My Jacqueline…" He paused. "And Andrew, what's to become of him?"

I bit my lip, trying to keep myself from saying the truth I know John didn't want to hear.

"He's dead, John. He was the one who saved- who saved…"

I let out a sob and sunk my face into my hands. Joseph, Jacque, Andrew… who else was gone? Who else had died, never to be remembered by the world?"

"Father's alive," he said through his tears. "So is Lucy and Cosmo."

"Laura?" I asked, my head shooting up. "Is she alive? Have you seen her?"

Still crying from Jacque's death, he shrugged. "I haven't seen her, but no one's told me she's been lost. She might be down in the steerage section for all we know."

I suddenly grabbed the letter to Father in the pocket of my thin coat, hanging on a nearby chair. It was soaked through and unreadable, but I held it to my cheek and breathed in the salt left over from the ocean. Maybe this was the closest thing that I had to remember Joseph by. He'd been in the same water, and his hands had traced over this small tag. And Jacque… I still had her locket dangling around my neck. From now on, I'd wear it every day, never taking it off. But Andrew, what did I have of his memory?

I put an arm around John and held him close, both of our sobs escaping once more.

I had myself to remind me of him. Every breath I'd breathe in would be because of Andrew, not God, not anyone else. Andrew saved my life. If anyone was a hero, it was him, the only person I could say showed their true colors during _Titanic_'s sinking.

"We're still getting married," John said at last, pulling away. "It doesn't change anything. Your aunt and my father talked it over last night and they agreed not to cancel it."

Marry? After all of this? With my love gone, they expect me to rebound so quickly? And with no one to be my maid of honor now with Jacque gone as well?

John took my cheek in his hand and turned me to face him.

"I'm not Joseph," he said softly, his eyes shining, "But I love you, Mary. I'm not asking you to love me too, but promise me you'll grow to understand my ways."

By now, I was sobbing so uncontrollably I could barely see my own hands. The nurses seemed absolutely furious with the noise we were making, but John snapped the privacy curtain shut they must've put up while I was sleeping.

"And remember me as John," he said, taking my hand. "I know I'll remind you of him every waking moment, but please look at me as John, not Joseph."

And all at once, I felt something burst forth in my soul. A feeling of peace, a feeling of easiness. I could feel Joseph's arms on my shoulders, telling me it was okay, Andrew's cold fingers in mine, giving me a reason to live. Regret, pain, and love were all mixed in one breath as I fought back the feelings I wanted to hide, because I was confused. So utterly confused that I couldn't stand myself.

I shut my eyes. "It's not every day you fall in love with the same face twice."

I felt John shift beside me, but in his voice I could tell he was smiling, at ease with himself for the first time in a long time. "Second happenings, hmm?"

And I shut my eyes even tighter. I remembered Joseph's and all we never had the chance to do. Jacque, my best friend, my sister I never had, and Andrew, my guardian angel. Even though I knew they were gone from my life, they'd be beside me as we sailed to New York. They're be there on May 15 when I got married. They'd be there when I had my first child, when I danced, when I sang, when I wrote, when I spent the rest of my days with John. We'd fight, laugh, love, hate, and learn to grow with each other. Maybe see the world before we die, raise children, and forget those who did this to us.

At times I felt very much abandoned, but this was a second chance, a second happening that I was going to make the most out of. Because somewhere in Heaven, a voice had been calling out to me this whole time, leading me to this life I'd soon yet to live.


	10. Epilogue

**"And I'm not gonna stand and wait  
Not gonna leave it until it's much too late  
On a platform I'm gonna stand and say  
That I'm nothing on my own  
And I love you, so please come home"**

**-"A Message" by Coldplay**

* * *

There was a light tap on my door, sending a chill down my spine. I finished powdering my face, hiding my tears as I said, "Come in."

Father entered in a tuxedo, his smile bigger than I'd ever seen it before. A small carnation was in the pocket of his jacket, and his white gloves were in one hand as he scanned my extravagant hotel room.

"It's about time, Mary," he said, his smile growing a bit softer. "Are you ready?"

I felt ridiculous. I was sitting in layers upon layers of white lace with ribbons and a bows sticking out everywhere. I draped my veil back over my face, making it nearly impossible to see. Not to mention there were at least a dozen clips and pins sticking into my scalp. I felt like a frilly marshmallow. No wonder Jacque had always told me she did not look forward to her wedding day, despite who she'd be marrying. But I stood up and smoothed a couple of layers down, making my appearance look somewhat better.

"Mary," he breathed, scanning me from head to toe, "You look… beautiful. Just like your mother did on our wedding day."

His eyes were shining and he wiped them away with his gloves. I sighed and took his arm, not pleased with his reaction. "Let's just get this over with."

Father hadn't lied when he said that getting married in New York City was the perfect place for a wedding. Everything about the hotel was simply marvelous, and the dining hall where John and I would be wed was even more extravagant. I'd only seen a little of it during the wedding rehearsal, but everything seemed to be picture perfect.

Two nicely dressed men opened two glass doors, revealing a roll of red carpet leading up to an elevated platform, where John, the rest of the wedding party, and the priest stood.

"Here we go," Father whispered in my arm, squeezing my arm.

"Here we go," I muttered back, less than excited.

As soon as we stepped into the room, "Canon in D" began to play. Somewhere, a choir was singing, and even though this was not exactly the wedding I wanted, the music was too overwhelming, and I began to cry.

By the time we reached the altar, Father had tears streaming down his cheeks as well. John was dressed in a tuxedo even more extravagant than Father's, and he literally had to rip my arm from him as soon as we were close enough.

The ceremony dragged on, including wrestling rings on each other's fingers and reciting stupid poems we were forced to memorize thanks to Mr. Lefrod. But the whole time, John kept smiling at me, to as if to say that everything was going to be alright. His hand in mine somehow helped me believe that, and I bit my lip as he slipped the gorgeous gold and diamond ring he'd surprised me with over my finger. As I slipped his plain, gold one on his as well, he smiled and I glanced over to the congregation, where Aunt Lucille and Uncle Cosmo were sitting, both beaming at Father. Mr. Lefrod was on the aisle across from them, acting as if John was his only son, that Jacque and Joseph had never even existed. Even Mr. Hockley was here, sitting a few aisles behind Mr. Lefrod with a mourning Ms. Bukater. Rose had been lost on _Titanic_ after jumping a lifeboat to be back on the ship with Jack Dawson. John had told me Mr. Hockley had taken after them with a gun, but after it ran out of bullets they disappeared, and that was the last time they saw each other.

As the preacher droned on, I looked at the other guests. Many of the Lefrod's relatives hadn't turned up, too sad about the news of Joseph and Jacque to face John. Mr. Lovejoy wasn't there, thank God. He'd died along with the rest of the passengers aboard the ship, and I didn't feel any sympathy toward Mr. Hockley at all. Madeleine Astor was sitting close to Aunt Lucille, pregnant as ever and now a widow. She was crying; the wedding must've reminded her of hers just a few months ago. Ms. Brown was holding her hand, but beaming and John and me.

"Mary Elizabeth Josely," the preacher said, snapping my attention back to the altar. "Do you take John Matthew Lefrod as your lawfully wedded husband? In sickness and health, for richer and for poorer, as long as you both may live?"

I looked past the pastor to John, to Father. All were smiling, but only John's stood out. Unlike Father's, which was only there because he would be a rich man after all of this, or the pastor who was being paid to smile, John understood that by saying "I do", that it would be it. No turning back.

Together forever.

But looking into John's eyes, I knew I could make it. With or without Joseph, Jacque, and Andrew, I wouldn't turn back.

So I turned back to the pastor, tears rolling down my cheeks. Squeezing John's hand, I brought my hand to Jacque's locket around my neck and answered.

"I do."

* * *

**Thank you so much for reading! Review and let me know what you think. :)**


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